Her question hit him square in the chest. It was one thing to feel a connection with someone, but it was an entirely different scenario to feel seen by someone. He realized then he’d never felt that before.
He wanted, no needed to know how she was seeing him. “Why do you say that?”
At his question, she bit the inside of her lip and her eyes dropped to the plate of chicken in front of her. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to analyze you. I just...”
Her words trailed off and he got the feeling that someone had made her feel bad for just being who she is, and he had a pretty good guess who it was. That asshole Ian who had to be the dumbest man on the planet for walking away from this woman.
“No, I didn’t mean...I really want you to tell me why you said that.” His voice was infused with sincerity.
Her eyes lifted and he could see uncertainty there. He hoped that she saw the truth behind his question and trusted that he was being genuine.
She stared into his eyes for a few moments before taking a deep breath. “It’s just every time you talk about yourself, you sort of, I don’t know, not flinch, but your expression changes.” She shook her head and lifted up her wine glass. “Never mind. I’m not explaining it right,” she rushed out before taking a sip.
She was explaining it perfectly. And she was absolutely right. He wasn’t comfortable talking about himself. It was something he never did. Usually anyway. But nothing about his relationship or feelings for Ava were usual.
“No, you’re right. Tonight, I’ve said things to you that I’ve never discussed with anyone. You must be really good at your job because you’re very easy to talk to.”
As soon as he said that, her shoulders dropped and he could tell that she’d been tense about his reaction to her comment. He hated seeing her like that and wondered if her anxiousness was because they were virtual strangers or if it had to do with her past relationship.
He wanted to bring it up, but he didn’t know how.
They ate in comfortable silence for a few moments and when he opened his mouth to ask her how the food was, he heard himself ask something entirely different. “So, how long were you and your fiancé together?”
What the fuck?Why had he just asked that. Sure, this wasn’t a “date” but it was still a rookie move to bring up past relationships. Especially one that had ended so recently.
“Ex fiancé,” she clarified as she cut a piece of chicken with her fork and knife.
“Right.” He still couldn’t believe he’d asked her something so personal. He grabbed his own glass of wine and took a drink.
“Um, a long time. We met and got together in middle school so...twenty years.”
He choked on the merlot. “Twenty years?”
A tight smile lifted on her lips as she nodded then took a bite of her chicken.
He couldn’t imagine what a loss of something that had been such a huge part of her life would feel like. His relationship with Jenna had been off and on during high school and when she was in college. They only got married because she was pregnant and it had only lasted six years, but it had devastated him when it ended.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s better that we didn’t end up together in the end.”
Asher wasn’t sure if Ava was just a glass-half-full person or if she was just the most well-adjusted human he’d ever met, but either way she seemed to be handling things with more grace and class than anyone would ever expect her to.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she continued. “Ian is a great guy. He’s smart, talented, driven. But we should not have been together.”
It’s not that Asher didn’t believe her it was just that two decades seemed like a long time to stay with someone who wasn’t right for you.
As if reading his mind once again, she answered his silent question. “Yeah. Looking back, I think I stayed because it seemed like the right thing to do and I promised my mom that I would marry him.”
He thought she said that her mom had passed away when she was a teenager. “Your mom told you to marry him when you were fifteen?”
Ava smiled, and he could see genuine affection fill her expression. “Yes, she did. She was a hopeless romantic. She believed in fairytales, and happily-ever-afters, serendipity, and fate. And she thought Ian and I were a love story for the ages. Plus, Ian’s always known he wanted to be a surgeon and I think she thought if I was with him, I would be taken care of.”
“Wow.” That was a lot of information to digest. He couldn’t imagine the responsibility he would have felt. But then he realized that he’d made a similar promise to his dad a few months before he died. His dad had had “the talk” with him and during it, he’d made Asher swear that if he ever “got a girl in trouble” he’d “do the right thing.” That conversation had played in his head when Jenna told him that she was pregnant.
“What about you? How long were you with Blake’s mom? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“No, that’s fine.” Like everything else, he never talked about his personal life, mainly because there really wasn’t much to say. He’d been married. He was divorced and he hadn’t had anything that was even in the ball park of serious since. But also, because Ava was right, he didn’t like to talk about himself. Except talking with Ava was different. He could feel the walls that he’d constructed around himself lowering. “Jenna and I were together off and on since we were teenagers. When she got pregnant, she said that it made the most sense to get married so she could be on my medical insurance. I agreed and we went down to the courthouse on the next Monday and had a civil ceremony. The bailiff was our witness.”
