Jackson turned toward her with an enigmatic expression. “And I remember you used to help me do those chores.”
She laughed. “I doubt a city kid was much help. You didn’t seem to mind the work, though.”
“That’s because I always wanted to be a rancher, despite my rebellion. I just don’t know what Morgan wants.” He looked back to where the three riders had disappeared in the distance. “I’ve been thinking, Morgan has friends, but this thing with Alex is different.”
Because he’s family, Kayla said silently. And DeeDee was being included because she was Alex’s sister. “I suppose having more children wasn’t likely given Marcy’s lack of maternal instincts...?”
“Marcy refused to consider another pregnancy,” he replied bluntly. “After my divorce I dated someone else who seemed interested in children, but it turned out she was just looking for a rich patsy.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I surprised Patti one evening and found a man sneaking out a side window. I tackled him, thinking it was a thief, but it was really the guy she’d been living with for years. He was so scared he blurted out the whole plan...which included a couple of years of marriage, a baby, followed by a quick divorce with generous support payments.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Kayla was surprised Jackson was revealing so much about his romantic woes, but they’d gone past the point of being overly concerned about something not being the other’s business.
“How about you and Curtis?” he asked. “Did you want a larger family?”
She stirred restlessly. “We tried to have another baby. There was nothing physically preventing a pregnancy, it just didn’t happen. Then Curtis became enamored with a woman he’d met at work. He was up front, saying he wanted a divorce because he didn’t want to be unfaithful.”
“Real nice of him.”
“It could have been worse. Everything worked out amicably, from custody to him insisting that I keep the house. He didn’t even ask for a settlement from my business.” Kayla swallowed, a lump in her throat. “But for months after we separated, I kept wondering if he’d sought out someone else because we weren’t successful conceiving another child.”
“If he felt inadequate, that was his problem, not yours.” The adamant tone in Jackson’s voice was soothing to her ego. She’d dealt with the pain years before, but even old scars can hurt when they’re poked.
She blinked rapidly but couldn’t keep a tear from falling. “Thanks. I suppose it was harder to handle because I kept thinking about the baby that might have been.” She sniffed and a few more tears fell.
Dammit, she wasn’t a crier, yet her eyes didn’t seem to know that.
“Silly, isn’t it?” she asked. “That’s why I’ve never told anyone how it felt. I mean, I wasn’t even pregnant, so why did I feel bad?”
Jackson put an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “I don’t think it’s silly in the least.”
* * *
FOR SOME REASON Jackson’s own heart ached as silent tears trickled down Kayla’s face. She wasn’t indulging in a storm of self-pity; she was grieving over the past that should have been and the baby she’d hoped would be born.
In a way they were alike.
He’d never talked much to his family about the divorce or what had happened with Patti—in his case more from stiff-necked pride than anything else. As for Kayla? During her deplorable childhood she’d learned to tough things out, to survive and make the best of her circumstances—lessons that were cemented when she was a teenage mother facing the world alone. It was no wonder she found it hard to confide in anyone.
“Sorry,” she said finally, stepping back and wiping her face. “I don’t know where that came from.”
“We all need a pressure valve, though preferably not the kind your mother used.”
Kayla leaned against the corral fence and gave him a shaky smile. “Alcohol wasn’t Mom’s pressure valve, it was her escape. I decided a long time ago not to run away from life, though I’m sure I’ve made different mistakes. After all, my kids need something to complain about to a therapist one day.”
Jackson laughed. “Come back to the house, Ma,” he urged in his best imitation of a character in a vintage Western film. “Us old fogys will sit around until the young’uns get back.”
“Okay, Pa, but you make sure that the rockin’ chair is ready.”
In an easy silence they returned to the house where Kayla sank onto a couch.
