“Sorry, I was all sweaty and really wanted a shower.” He crawls back into bed, perking up at the sight of the smoothie. “Is that a raspberry one?”
“Yes. With almond butter.” Just as Dawson likes it. He hands him the glass when Dawson reaches for it.
Dawson takes a long drink, his eyelids fluttering and a happy sigh leaving his lips as he swallows. “Yeah, that hits the spot .” He props himself up against the headboard, is head lolling to the side to peer up at Cal with a soft smile. “Thank you.”
His throat refusing to cooperate, Cal nods, tearing his gaze away. It’s always nearly impossible to stop looking at Dawson once he starts. But the papers tucked behind his back get heavier with each passing second, and he knows he can’t stall much longer. He waits until Dawson puts the glass down, but it seems he can’t find his voice again.
Dawson notices something is amiss, his brows furrowing. “Are you okay?”
After countless attempts, Cal finally manages, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Dawson heaves a sigh and sags back. His expression is apologetic when he looks at Cal.
“I know. I’m sorry, Cal.”
Cal freezes, waiting for Dawson to speak.
“Listen, whatever Olivia told you, just ignore it. I knocked some sense into her before she left, so please don’t dwell on anything she said.”
Cal wants to tell him that’s not it, that he meant it when he said not to worry about it, but something dawns on him in that moment.
“There’s a reason she can’t stand me,” Cal says. “What is it?”
Dawson cracks a nervous smile. “She’s an older sister. Older sisters do that. Plus, she was never happy with our age difference. But I’m not a kid anymore, so…”
No. That’s not it. Cal can feel it. That’s not something you get divorced over.
“Are you sure there isn’t something else?”
If Cal weren’t looking for the signs, he might’ve missed the way Dawson’s shoulders grow tense, or the wariness in his gaze. But knowing what he knows, it’s evident Dawson is hiding something from him.
“Nothing comes to mind,” Dawson lies. Why is he lying?
Silently, Cal reaches back and sets the papers down in the space between them.
Dawson’s confused at first, but it only takes him one look to realize what he’s looking at. Color drains from his face, making him look like a ghost. His wide eyes snap to Cal’s, filling with fear.
Dawson is afraid.
“Cal…” His name comes out broken. Shaky.
“I found these when I was looking for the pills,” he says, though Dawson didn’t ask. “Do you—” The words catch in his throat. He forces them out anyway “Is this what you want?”
Dawson is shaking his head before Cal even finishes speaking. It should make Cal feel good, but it doesn’t.
“But you wanted it once. Why? What did I do, Dawson?”
Dawson’s mouth opens and closes, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Cal hates doing this to him, but he can’t let this go.
“I spoke to Ellis. I needed to know if he knew and…if he knew why. He told me to ask you.”
Dawson’s eyes close and he inhales shakily. When he opens them again, they’re filled with tears. “There’s… A lot happened before. Before your accident.”
“Tell me,” Cal prompts, trying to keep his voice calm.
Dawson shakes his head.
“Dawson,” he tries. “Please. Whatever it is, I need to know.” Another headshake. “I thought we were happy. Thoughtyouwere happy.”
