Chapter 15
Jeff
It was late afternoon on a Thursday and the first week of being back in L.A. after the shoot — we arrived Monday, but different cast and crew had flown at different times. Some had opted to stay in Maui for a few days of vacation too.
Shaun was enjoying being back in his regular school again. Thankfully a lot of the kids there had parents in the film industry and they were always OK with you taking your child to a shoot so long as they kept up the work. This time it had only been for about two weeks, so Monica made him do his homework, but for longer trips, I always hired a tutor.
As I relaxed on my couch in front of the gas fireplace, I felt twitchy. It was nice to be home, it was nice to see Shaun liking being back. It made me happy that he enjoyed school and got on with his classmates, but then the school was quite different from your regular school, with small classes where the Ambleside method was practiced. Kids got involved in conversations, learning from immersion, not just from lecturing. This particular school was big on extra-curricular arts, sports and nature activities, too.
The reason I couldn’t relax properly was Pat. I knew I was harsh on her, but she acted irresponsibly. You can’t let your personal life take over your work life! I’d fought hard for my career. I appreciated every break and was thankful to those who gave me a chance. I would never have taken out my own frustrations on the crew. You don’t do that if you value the work. And if you ever slip and do get worked up about personal stuff, you apologize straight away, which Pat had refused to do. That’s what really pissed me off.
I was also angry that Pat just threw away what we had. I told her I’d wait and she still insisted to not see me at all. I’d only been in one long-term serious relationship and that was with my deceased wife. Pat was the only other woman I’d met who I felt had the potential to become a serious relationship. And I valued the women I was in relationships with. Hell, I valued my friends too and Pat was both. She, on the other hand, had just given up on what we had and walked off.
Maybe she wasn’t worth it? Maybe I was saved by Bill showing up. Some people turn unhinged in relationships… I didn’t think Pat had it in her, but then I hadn’t seen her for some fifteen years before we bumped into each other. People change.
“Dad?”
“Yes, son?” Shaun was sitting playing with some building set for cars.
“Today a girl at my school got really upset and tore up a painting I made.”
“Really? Did you do anything to upset her that much?” I felt a bit worried — kids have an unnerving habit of arguing one minute and loving each other the next, but sometimes things got serious if two kids really didn’t take to one another.
“No. She just didn’t like the painting.”
“Then it was not nice of her to destroy your work. I hope the teacher dealt with her.”
“I painted a picture of you and wrote “Dad” and she tore it up because her dad had just died. She was sad, Dad, so I forgave her. The teacher told me to hug her instead as she was crying. Then she apologized to me and helped me make a new painting.”
My heart filled with love as I listened to Shaun’s little story — it was discovering and fostering this side of his personality that made parenting a joy.
“That was very nice of you. I’m happy the girl learned that she did wrong and helped make it right, too. That’s what you do when you’ve done something wrong — you make it right.”
“I know, Dad. But we can’t get her dad back, just as we can’t get my mom back. You can’t make that right.”
“No, you can’t. But we didn’t do anything wrong to lose your mom. She was sick. The disease made her feel horrible inside all the time.”
“Kind of like when you want to throw up?”
“Kind of like that, but in a different way. Your mommy couldn’t feel happy for long. She took drugs all the time to try to feel better and one day she took too many drugs and died because of that.”
My heart broke talking about his mother. I’d sworn to try to explain it as best as I could to him. He needed to know that it wasn’t his fault and it was pointless trying to cover up that it was suicide — one day he would find out and feel betrayed if I kept telling him lies. Worse, he’d hear it from someone else. The media had made a big deal out of it and no doubt parents might tell their kids when speaking of our family. They might say it in passing, but kids can be mean and I never wanted him to feel bad about having a mom who was a drug addict. Not that it was uncommon in L.A., but still, you never knew if someone would say something negative one day. Not everyone’s drug abuse was out in the open.
“I’m sorry Mom was sick, Dad,” Shaun said, looking sad.
“So am I, my boy, but we have each other and Monica. In life, people die, but the good thing about it is that there are always so many more people to love, even if we miss the ones we've lost.”
Shaun nodded, looking thoughtful.
“Yes, I love lots of people. I love my grandparents and my friends.”
“Yep, you do. And you’ll meet so many more people as you grow up.”
“That’s pretty cool, you know. I mean, there are lots of people.”
I laughed.
“Yes, there are!”
