Chapter 10
Pat
“Damn it all,” I said as I came home after a long day on set — it was ten o’clock as I entered my hotel room, more than a little ready for bed.
I didn’t usually mind the late hours as I loved the work, but tonight I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. My life had looked bright only twenty-four hours earlier. I was happier than I’d been in years after making love with Jeff. And he didn’t look unhappy either!
I sighed as I sat down on my bed — I was too tired to even think about brushing my teeth. I just wanted to get out of my clothes and under the duvet. I wanted to hide.
I knew that if Bill showed up, I couldn’t handle a romance with Jeff. Not until things were settled with Bill and he left.
I wanted to tell Jeff everything was fine, but tonight I didn’t feel fine. Who was I? A forty-something pursuing the career meant for a twenty-something. Making it in Hollywood. As if. I felt like I’d been on an empowerment trip ever since I broke up with Bill, but now I felt like the old Pat just wanted give up and settle.
Only next month I would be in an indie film with a new crew at a new location. I had no idea if the people would be nice. I had no idea if the film would turn out well. I’d probably be working from dawn to midnight as the budget was limited. Would I even be able to handle that? Meryl Streep could, but she’d been in the business since forever. And no doubt she set the rules. She was a star. I was a nobody.
Frustrated, I threw my clothes off and crawled under the duvet, pulling it over my head. I didn’t want to face anyone. The thought of even showing up on set the next morning made me feel puking.
Hollywood was for the young, just like Bill had been a man who craved the young.
Angrily, I pulled the duvet closer. Then, exhausted, I fell asleep.
***
The next morning, I thankfully felt better. I showered, got dressed and ran to catch the bus that took us all to set.
The laughter and chatter that filled the bus as we made our way to set further relaxed me. Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all? Maybe I could handle acting? But Bill… my smile faded. I knew I’d have to meet him and speak with him. And I knew I couldn’t handle romance right now. I’d have to tell Jeff to wait. I needed to stabilize my acting career first. That alone was enough to handle without the added emotional rollercoaster of dating.
As I got to set, make-up and wardrobe took care of me and then it was time to act. I’d learned all my lines by heart even before leaving L.A. and thankfully there’d been no major rewrites since we got to Maui. That made it easier for me as I didn’t have to fear messing up lines. I was already frightened what it would be like with the indie.
Thankfully the scenes that day went alright and I started relaxing more and more. I knew I’d have to speak to Jeff about putting things on hold, but at least I could enjoy the acting, even if I now knew I would have to say goodbye to Victoria unless another network picked up the show. It made me sad.
In the afternoon I had no scenes but decided to sit down and watch a stunt. It was indoors; green screen. It was a burglary scene where the burglars were chased by the police and jumped between two rooftops, and then fought with the police.
To my surprise, I saw that Jeff was doing one of the stunts. For the most part he just directed the stunt scenes, working as the coordinator.
As the filming started, I couldn’t help but be taken by how masculine Jeff was. Against my own will, I smiled. As he was fighting a staged fight with two men, his muscles bulged with every movement. He looked fabulous in his element. Calm, collected and masculine. Very masculine.
I could see other women looking at him, too. A twinge of jealousy hit me. What if I told Jeff to wait and he found someone else? Still, I couldn’t gamble our friendship. I needed peace. Needed to think. Needed to get Bill to calm down. Needed to find my feet acting wise and that could take a while. I just felt like my whole world was spinning and Jeff made it spin more.
I decided not to think about it anymore. In here I was safe. There was no Bill. No relationship. No unstable career. Just a scene being filmed.
I watched as Jeff climbed “a rooftop”. God, the man was strong! I felt my body tingle as I watched him. Only the other day I had felt his body against mine. Felt those muscles underneath my hands. I knew what that body could do in an entirely different position. Knew what his hands could do as they traveled all across my body…
Suddenly I felt hot. Very hot.
I was relieved when the director announced they had what they needed and it was a wrap for the day.
Jeff walked up to me.
“Hello, beautiful, how are you? I wanted to see you at lunch, but I got caught up in a phone conference. Then another and another. Some of my projects needed some attention. Good filming today?”
I nodded. How was I ever going to tell this man I didn’t want to be with him? Because I did. Badly.
“You looked hot up there,” I said with a wink. Then I added: “Can we talk? I need to eat, I’m guessing you do, too? I mean, let’s go eat!”
Jeff frowned. I could only guess what he thought “can we talk” meant.
“Sure. I have some more work, but I can do that after dinner. Where do you want to go?”
