I nodded. And before I knew it, Pat was stripping down. I was about to protest when I realized she was wearing a bikini underneath her clothes.
I decided to join her — black boxers might not be swimwear, but they were not see-through either, so they’d do.
“Wanna jump off the cliff over there?” I asked, pointing to one above the waterfall.
“Is it safe?” Pat shot back, looking worried.
“I’ve done it at least twenty times,” I said. “The pool below is deep and there’s nothing that you can get tangled up in on the way down, no cliffs shooting out. Also, that cliff is the low one. It’s only about three meters up. The one above,” I pointed again, “is a lot higher.”
Pat’s eyebrows shot up in her forehead as she saw the cliff, looming about ten meters up.
“I guess you have jumped from that one?”
I grinned at her.
“Of course, but your butt can get a bit sore as you land in the water…”
She laughed. I hadn’t seen her this relaxed since she’d been…about twenty-seven.
“I think I’ll stick to the low one for today then — wouldn’t want my butt to suffer just before we start shooting tomorrow. I mean I’ll be riding a bike.”
“You’ve got a point there. Come on then, last one in is a chicken.”
Then we both ran for the cliff and jumped into the water with big splashes — she before me. It made me smile — this was the carefree Pat I’d once known. Only in a more grounded, mature, version. The fun loving girl had grown up.
Pat laughed as she splashed around in the water.
“I feel so free,” she said. “You know how you felt as a kid?”
“I know the feeling. I think it’s the sensation of being out in nature.”
Pat wrinkled her forehead, pensive for a moment.
“I also think it’s the sensation of having no worries. I mean sure, we don’t know if this show will be picked up, nor do I know if the indie I’ll shoot when I get back will be any good, but I have no concerns. I have clients. I have savings. I am healthy. And I’m no longer worrying about a marriage that isn’t working, or about being stuck with a career I’m unsatisfied with. Since I got these roles, I actually enjoy teaching again. It’s just, it was all I did and then it wasn’t fun anymore after a few years. I needed change.”
I swam around her, dove, and then stuck my head up above the water next to her. She laughed again.
“I know what you mean. After my wife died, I came out here. I think it’d been three months by then. I was sad, but I was no longer worried. I wasn’t scared she’d relapse, or overdose, or stop attending AA meetings, or leave rehab early, or do something stupid when high, especially around our son. She relapsed as soon as she stopped breastfeeding, thinking she was cured and could have a glass of wine. It went straight downhill from there.”
I felt cold just thinking about it. Life with Jen had been amazing when she was clean. She had been amazing. But her illness, that pain she carried inside, she’d never dealt with it. The drugs and alcohol had kept her in a firm grip.
“I’m sorry,” Pat said, suddenly looking concerned.
“It’s alright. I don’t regret choosing Jen as my wife — we made many wonderful memories and we were only together for about three years — before that we were friends. We had so much fun together and she had a beautiful soul. Her creativity inspired me. And her fragility made me want to protect her, but it was impossible.”
“I can’t even begin to understand,” Pat mused. “Bill was unfaithful. Apart from that he was the most loving and doting husband. He wanted his way though. He wanted us to stay in Wood Creek, he wanted me to be there for him, he wanted a certain life that I no longer craved. His wishes controlled me. And I never want that again. I just…I feel free now.”
“As did I,” I said. “After she died, no matter how horrible it sounds, I felt free. The worry was gone. Her pain was gone. The wonderful times were gone too, but I was free to live without constant worry. If she’d had the discipline and the willingness to get cured, things could have panned out differently, but she always stopped getting help when she felt fine. Only that feeling never lasted long, so she relapsed. Now I’m here. I can enjoy myself without having a sensation of worry in the pit of my stomach. So, I’ll race you to that rock over there,” I said with a grin. I really did feel happy. And I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day talking about Jen. It was good to look at it with the perspective I now had, but there was no reason to get caught in the past. I needed to enjoy the now.
***
Three hours later we hiked back, had our lunch at the plateau and drove back to the hotel. Pat had been fine with me on the bike and I was satisfied knowing she could handle the scenes that were going to be shot the following day.
As we arrived at the hotel, a familiar face popped up from one of the lounge chairs — Mandy. Her perfect body looked aglow in the afternoon sun as she sat up, waved and made her way towards me.
“Mandy, you came!” I said. I’d been seeing her for a while, nothing serious. Just a fling. We both knew what we wanted — sex and dinners from time to time. No need to see each other all the time. No need to worry about getting serious.
“Of course, I came. How could I resist an invitation to Maui?” She laughed.
