“I don’t know what to say, Kai,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “I’m sorry for all of it. For how we ended up here, and for how confused I feel. But I can’t just... pretend like I’m not scared,” I say holding back the burning in my eyes.
Kai exhales sharply, and I grip his hand tighter before releasing it and sliding out of the truck.
As I walk up the driveway of my house, the lights from inside brighten my walkway. I don’t deserve to call this my house anymore. I don’t deserve Liam.
“Where have you been?” Liam asks, storming out of the house down the porch steps. “I’ve been calling you and your phone keeps going to voicemail.
“Really?” I pull my phone out and see that there are no missed calls. I must not have gotten service in that area. “I didn’t get them.”
“Where have you been? The sun went down hours ago.”
I walk right past him into the house. Kai’s words are still lingering in the air. Why do his words affect me so much? Is it because I feel the same way? “I went for a walk and got lost.”
“Who gets lost on a walk?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
“Apparently I do.” I know he deserves better, but I’m not in the mood to talk. This night has exhausted me, and all I want to do is shower and go to bed so I don’t have to think aboutanything. But I know I will. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it all.
Blakely
Halloween
Every year, Amari has a Halloween parade at her school. The parents are invited to watch the kids walk through the auditorium in their costumes. Amari is Bellethis year. Lately, she’s been wanting to be princesses for Halloween. It brings back so many memories of when Bryn was her age and couldn’t wait to dress up as a princess.
Liam had surgeries all day, so he couldn’t make it, giving me some relief to know I won’t have to worry about him and Kai being around each other. Kai hasn’t seen Liam since I told him how our relationship was affecting him. Which would have intensified the tension.
"Hey, did I miss her?” Kai says between his breaths, as if he ran here.
“No.” A flood of emotions floods through me as Kai stands right next to me. A silence between us of unresolved feelings. My heart races, thinking back to when he was in between my legs. I’m caught in a tug-of-war, which has more of a hold on me than I ever imagined it would. Kai seems to be normal. Like we didn’t just have that intimate interaction between the two of us.
“There she is.” He points toward our Belle, who is walking with her classmates. Her wide grin raises so high the minute she sees us, and it brings a beautiful light into her eyes, knowing both her parents are here. The light in her eyes warms my hearts so much. She deserves both parents here for her for every holiday and every moment, big or small, together as a family. I never want that light to leave.
“Hi!” she says, waving her hands, overly excited. I look over at Kai, watching his soft expression as he looks at our daughter. He deserves to be here, too. He deserves to see her grow up with each milestone. I want him to experience the first of everything with her, just like we always have. He watches our daughter walk out of sight, a smile on his face. It warms my heart even more to know how far he’s come to be here and watch our daughter grow up.
Kai
The cool air is filled with kids and their happy shouting as they run from one house to the next with bags of candy hanging off their arms. All four of us have been following Amari all night as she tricks or treats. There is no doubt in my mind that Liam is upset I’m here after what B told me. I can see it in his demeanor—the way he won’t look at me, won’t stand by me. I’ve stood next to him a few times, and he always takes a few steps away from me. I can’t help but feel bad that Blakely is in the middle of this. Even though I can’t quite understand what she wants. Her silence is killing me. It’s only been a week since we last talked, but that week feels like a century. I’ve told her what I want. She knows. It’s all up to her now. I can’t sit here any longer and chase after her. If she truly wants me, she’ll come to me.
If she goes through with this wedding, it will devastate me. But I know I had her, and I let her go. I blamed myself back then,and I was so hard on myself for years. I can’t continue beating myself up anymore. She was my light when my days were dark. One thing I know for sure is that I’ve tried. I’ve grown from everything to be a better man. Iama better man because of her. But I deserve to be happy as much as she does.
Every time Amari goes up to another house, B walks up with her. I’m sure she’s doing it to get away from Liam and me. I stand on the sidelines, watching as she follows behind Amari, waiting to be the next in line. This house is enormous and painted black, giving off an already creepy vibe. There are cobwebs hanging thick all around the house, with fake spiders and skeletons hanging off the tree branches. The owners are outside in their garage, handing out spiked apple cider for the adults. I go in and grab one off the table that’s lined with the drinks as I wait for Amari and B.
“You love her still, don’t you?”
Liam’s words surprise me, and I nearly choke on my drink. I didn’t realize he was near me since he’s been keeping his distance. I glance back and see him a few steps behind, his hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on me. If his eyes could speak, I would say he’s throwing a dagger at me. “I’ll always love her. She’s the mother of my child,” I say, turning more toward him but also keeping B and Amari in my sight.
He looks between Blakely and me, as if he wants to say something before she comes back. “You’re stillinlove with her?”
Is that a question or a statement? I already told him I love her.
“I always praised you two for how well you guys co-parent together. I thought that’s all it was,” he says with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t look at me the way she looks at you. She doesn’t run to me the way she runs to you. I used to think thatmust really mean something after everything you two have been through. But now I think it’s more than just co-parenting.”
“We have a daughter together. Of course she’s going to run to me when it has something to do with Amari.”
He shakes his head. “You’re still in love with her, and I can see that she’s still in love with you. I’ve tried to ignore it. I’ve tried to tell myself it’s only co-parenting. The more I tried to convince myself, the more I know I’m not wrong.”
