Brooke looks down at Amari. "Sweetie, do you want to go get ready for bed? Your mom went out for a little. She’ll be home soon.”
Amari nods and heads upstairs. Either she didn’t listen to us, or she didn’t realize what we were saying.
Brooke takes a few steps outside and shuts the door behind her. “She's been upset this whole weekend over that guy she was seeing,” she says in a quieter voice.
The way that Brooke says ‘guy’ makes me think she doesn’t like him. She doesn’t even call him by his name. I remember B telling me about someone she started seeing, but I didn’t think it was that serious. If she is this upset, maybe it was.
“She probably took a walk around the neighborhood. I’ll go drive around and see if I can find her. How long has she been gone?”
“A couple hours.”
“I’ll be back.” I get back into my truck and start driving the neighborhood. The sun is setting, illuminating the sky in soft pink shades. This is weird of Blakely not to be home, especially when she knew what time I’d be dropping off Amari. She doesn’t let anything come before our daughter.
After about a half hour of not seeing her anywhere in the neighborhood, I start worrying more. Brooke said she hasn’t come home yet, and I haven’t found her. I head to the one other place she might be at, but I don’t have high hopes for it, because why would she still go to our spot?
The sky is darkening as I get out of my truck and finally spot her. There she is, sitting on a bench, staring out at the sunset. She keeps wiping her face. Is she crying?
"Blakely,” I whisper.
My voice startles her, and she looks over at me wide-eyed. Once she notices it’s me, she turns her head, shying away from me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, sitting next to her.
With her head hung low and in a broken voice, she says, “Nothing.” She turns back toward me with a slight grin on her face, trying to hide the fact she has been crying. But those red-rimmed eyes can’t fool me.
I wrap my arm around her. At first, she seems uncomfortable—until she lets out a breath and rests her head on my shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I’ve just been thinking a lot. It’s nothing, really,” she admits.
“Those tears don’t seem like nothing.”
She doesn’t say anything back, and for a minute, the only sounds are the crickets in the distance.
“Is it about the guy you were seeing?”
She lets out a huff. “Kind of.”
“Do I need to go kick his ass?”
She giggles. “I wish. There are a few others I’ve dated that could use a kick in the ass, too.”
“Send me a list, and I’ll get right to it.”
She shakes her head, laughing. “You’re part of that list.”
“Am I?” I pull her in tighter.
She looks up at me and gazes into my eyes until she turns back around and rests her head on my shoulder again. “Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I have forgiven you, you know. But sometimes it still hurts.”
My chest aches from her words. Although I know she’s still hurting, I didn’t realize it still affected her so deeply that she would cry about it. “I know I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt myself, too—and our family. Is that why you’re crying?”
“Sort of. You know how much I believe in love, right? When I’m with someone, I give everything—my time, my energy, my heart. But lately, I’ve started thinking I won’t find that again. It feels too hard, like every time I try, it slips further away. I’m exhausted from hoping and searching, and honestly, I’m ready to give up. People always say you can have more than one true love in your lifetime, but I’m not so sure. I think I was only meant for one, and that love was you. No one else has ever come close. It’s sad to know we didn’t work out. Especially since we have a daughter together. But I’m glad ithappened, because I at least got to experience it once in my lifetime. Some people don’t experience it at all.”
It hurts me to know that she feels this way. I know she’s always wanted a family. And I ruined that for her. I’m sitting here, holding the person I love in my arms, wanting to tell her—so badly—that I love her, and I want her back. I want our family back. I want to tell her how I feel, but I don’t want her to think I’m making this all about me. Like she says, I usually do. She told me to work on myself, and I am. After working on myself these past years, I realized I needed to learn to love myself before I could fully love someone else. I can truly say I love myself. I want that second chance with her so I can truly love her as she deserves to be loved. But right now, I’m putting my emotions aside for her. Something that used to be so hard for me to do.
