“Thanks.”
“Hey, B,” he says, before reaching in and giving B a hug. He looks over my shoulder to where Amari is standing behind me. “Where’s my favorite niece in the whole wide world?”
“Uncle Kevin,” Amari says in a high-pitched voice. She runs into his arms, and Kevin lifts her up and gives her a big squeeze. Kevin spoils Amari rotten. She has him wrapped around her finger. Actually, she has us all wrapped around her finger.
He sets Amari back down on the floor. “Are you staying, B?” he asks.
“No, I’m going to head out.” She walks over to Amari and gives her a hug. Amari leans into her. “Do you need me to pick her back up after?”
“Do you want to spend the night with me or go back home with your mom?” I ask Amari.
"Umm, I’ll stay with dad.”
“Okay. Call me before you go to bed. And don’t stay up too late.” She narrows her gaze at me, meaning she’s telling me not to keep her up too late.
“We won’t,” I say, placing my hand behind my back and crossing my fingers. Amari softly giggles.
“I know what you’re doing.” B rolls her eyes at me. “I’ll see you later, Amari. I love you.”
“I love you too, mom.”
I watch as her hips sway with each step she takes. My heart twitches from how much I miss her. It took me a while to realize what I had. Actually, I didn’t realize it until she was gone. I wasyoung, dumb, and hurting. I hurt her and broke her down until she felt like she had no other choice but to leave.
When she left me, Amari was only seven months old. I had too much pride to show that I cared. I hurt her more than ever. And being the stupid kid that I was, I still went out and drank until I passed out. Not only was I numbing my pain from my dad’s passing, but I was also numbing the pain of her leaving.
I broke my family apart.
Ourforever and ever.
I ruined a lot of relationships during that time. Kevin tried so hard to get me to see what I was doing. But all I cared about was my next drink—so I didn’t have to feel or think about the pain. The pain of my dad leaving me. The pain of watching my mom crumble over his death. The pain of losing my family. Kevin ended up getting sick of my shit and kicked me out. That was when Kevin and Amari formed a bond. He stepped up more and helped Blakely out with Amari. I wasn’t a total deadbeat, though. When Blakely moved out, I told her to go back to the apartment and I would still pay the rent and everything else she and Amari needed. She refused and would tell me she didn’t feel right living in a place that I was paying for when we weren’t together. So instead, the money that would have paid for the rent to the apartment was used as child support.
B was going to school and working. I would go see Amari every day after work so B could go to school. Going to Amari’s grandma’s house was so uncomfortable; the tension was so thick in the air some days. Of course, my dumbass would always party during the weekends, so I rarely saw Amari on the weekends.
Kevin nudges my shoulder. "Dude, if you stare any harder, your eyes are going to pop out of their sockets.”
“Fuck off.”
“You owe me a dollar,” Amari says.
Kevin chuckles while all three of us sit around the table.
When Amari was learning how to talk, she also learned how to pick up on our swear words. Blakely hated it, so every time we swear, we give Amari money to help stop us from swearing in front of her. First, it was a quarter. It’s gone up each year, and now it’s a dollar. “Here,” I say, handing Amari a dollar. I always keep dollars on hand now.
“Thanks.” She folds it up and puts it in her front pocket, giving me a wink.
After a couple of hours,we head back to my apartment. I take a sniff at the lingering vanilla smell. A woman’s perfume. I glance around the living room, and everything seems in order.
"Dad, don’t come into the kitchen,” Amari says. She takes a few steps in front of me, stops, and turns around. “Close your eyes.” She comes over, grabs my hands, and helps me to sit on the couch.
“What are you doing?”
“Close your eyes.” She grabs my hands and pulls them up to my eyes.
“Okay.” I close my eyes and keep my hands over them, wondering what she’s up to.
I hear whispers in the background. Followed by, “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday…”
I open my eyes to Kevin and Amari holding a blue-and-white cake with twenty-seven candles lit.
