“Roger said you were drunk and being nostalgic when you sent the message,” Sean muttered.
My jaw tightened, but I pushed the anger away. Dealing with Roger’s betrayal could come later. All I cared about right then, was getting through to Sean. “I met with the Head of Security that afternoon and gave him a description of you and a series of three questions only you would be able to answer. I knew the tweet would bring a hundredGreysto the stage door, but I only wanted one. I wanted you.”
Sean didn’t say anything, but his stillness told me he was still listening.
“After the concert, I did the required meet and greets in record time. Then, I grabbed a bottle of champagne and headed for my dressing room, hoping you’d already be there.” Even after so many years, the disappointment I’d felt when I found the room empty still tore at my gut. “An hour later, I popped the cork alone.”
“I stood in line for ages,” Sean said. “The security guys on the door never got the description. They didn’t even know which gender they were after.” He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It was fucking freezing out there.” He reached for my hand, threading his fingers through mine.
“At about two in the morning, one of the cleaners knocked on the door and handed me a present. She said she’d found it on the couch in the room at the other end of the hall. I recognised the handwriting and bolted down there but, you were already gone.”
“The other end of the hall.” I heard the resignation in his voice, the frustration, and it matched my own. “I stayed in that room for damned near an hour.”
“The second my father saw me holding the box, I realised he’d done something to keep us apart. The look on his face…” It hadn’t been guilt or remorse, more like exasperation. “He confessed to paying the Head of Security to tell you, if you showed up, I was suffering from exhaustion because of the tour schedule and had to go straight back to the hotel.” As excuses went it had struck me as kind of pathetic, but then Roger had never been particularly imaginative—or so I’d believed. “Apparently, you expressed concern for my welfare, dumped the box on the couch, and left.” I sighed, shaking my head. “Knowing you’d been right there, so close, and I didn’t get to see you… it fucking killed me.”
“I should have guessed Roger was playing me.” Sean dropped his head into one hand, but still clung to me with the other. “Damn it, I should have guessed.”
“We were young, we didn’t know any better.” I bent my own head forward, pressing my lips to his crown. “You remember when you asked what made me trash a hotel room?”
He lifted his head, eyes wide. “You killed a vase for me?”
I nodded, a shaky laugh spilling out. “After I got back to the hotel, I opened your present.” I’d taken the box with me to the bed and ripped off the paper. Opening the lid, I took out each item and examined them with care. One jar of peppermint lollies. One Nick Cave t-shirt. Two paperback novels. And a big, black mug withI’m kind of a Big Dealwritten on it in white text. The last one had even managed to make me smile.
On the bottom of the box I’d found a small, white envelope. I’d held it in my hands for a few seconds, before turning it over and sliding out the simple birthday card. Grey’s familiar handwriting was inside.
One birthday present, delivered in person. Would you like your (other) gift now?
The furious sob that had come to my lips had been a poor replacement for Grey’s intended kiss. Loneliness had yawned wide inside me, making way for the fury that came hot on its heels.
“The card made me lose control in the end,” I told him. “I went screaming into my father’s room, furious at him for betraying me. We had a huge argument. He tried to hit me. That’s when I threw the wine bottle at the TV. The vase I threw at his head. I missed, but he got the point. I told him if he ever touched me again, I would go public with his abuse.” I lost so much that night. Not just Grey, but any semblance of a real relationship with my father. “The next day, he told the media I had a birthday party that got out of hand, and my status as a badass rock star hit a new high.”
Sean came forward onto his knees in front of me, placing his hands on either side of my head. “You never forgot about me,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “Never chose someone else over me.”
“No.” I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. “I didn’t know what to do next. I still didn’t know your name or how to find you. I couldn’t bear the idea of apologising over social media and dealing with the frenzy it would cause.” I huffed out a laugh. “You’re not the only one who has a shred of self-respect.”
“But five years, Dante,” he said, staggered by the enormity of it. “All this time, we could’ve been…” he paused, shaking his head, “I don’t have a clue what we would have been, but we would’ve had the chance to find out.”
“We can still have that chance,” I implored, touching my forehead to his. “I don’t know what happens next. All I know is, if I let you go, it will be the biggest mistake of my life. Please, Sean, stop pushing me away and stop lying to me.”
He gripped on to my t-shirt as he stood, pulling me up with him. “No more lies, I promise.” Desire shone clear and bright in his eyes as he let go of the resistance that kept us apart. “I want you. God help me, I’ve always wanted you.”
