I rested my head on his chest, my arm around his waist. My knee was bent, draped slightly over his leg. I was clinging to him, as if afraid that if I let go, he’d go back out there. And maybe not come back, like John.
He had his arm around me, softly stroking my hair. It was hypnotic, and I closed my eyes, listening to his steady breathing.
We fell asleep that way.
And we woke up that way.
When I opened my eyes, it was to find his blue eyes already open and watching me.
Before I could gather my thoughts, my attention was caught by the piercing on his nipple. I touched it gently with the tip of my index finger, not really playing with it, but exploring it.
“Morning,” I said, stroking the little metal bar. “Why do you have this?” I asked.
He misunderstood. “Kai and I were young. We dared each other. It hurt like hell.”
“No,” I said softly. “I mean, why do you still wear this? You could have taken it out and let the piercing close up.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah. I thought about it. Butit’s a connection to my brother. We used to be so close, that we didn’t even have to talk. We just knew what each other was thinking. Back then, I didn’t need a symbol to prove we were close. But things are different now.”
He paused, his fingers still gliding through my hair. “Every time I walk out of the shower, I look at that nipple piercing and wonder why a guy like me has it. But then I think of Kai. And I can’t bring myself to let the hole close up.”
Silence settled between us again. I waited, just letting him be.
Finally, Landon said, “Kai really came through last night. I thought I’d be all alone out there. That I’d have to do it all on my own. And then he showed up.”
His voice was thick with emotion. “I’ll always be grateful for that.”
“The family should be grateful for you,” I said. “You’re a hero.” But he didn’t seem to want to hear that, so I didn’t push it.
My hand was resting on his stomach. It was an intimate moment, full of comfortable silences. Then I finally said, “We were supposed to have a lesson last night.”
He was slow to respond to that. “Sorry I got in the way of your education.”
“I think I learned more about you and Asher and Kai last night than I have the entire time I’vebeen here.”
“Good things?” he asked.
“Yes. About all three of you.” I propped myself up slightly to look at him. “And… I’ve done things with them. Intimate things during lessons. But I’ve never slept next to them, or any man. I’ve never done that with anyone but you.” I tried to stop there, but the next words just slipped out. “I’m glad you were my first—the first man I slept next to.”
“I’m glad too,” he said quietly.
“Can I kiss you?” I clamped my mouth shut after that, afraid of what else might come out. Then I held my breath as I waited.
He was silent for a moment. Then he shook his head. “It’s not a good idea.”
“Not even if it’s just about friendship and support?”
His jaw tightened. “I want you, Zoe. You have to know that. But it’s not a game to me, and it shouldn’t be to you. I’m not judging. You, Ash, and Kai are allowed to have fun, and you should be able to learn whatever you want to learn. But… I wish it were more special for you. I wish that you would allow yourself more than just a few steamy nights.”
“I just…” I didn’t even know how to explain it to him. And I wasn’t even sure I disagreed with anything he’d said.
“I can’t be like they are with you.” He raked his hand through his hair, clearly upset. “It’s so hard, seeing youwith them, so close by, and to know that I can’t just reach out and touch you.”
“But you can,” I said.
“No, I can’t. That’s not who I am.” His voice was rough. “Sometimes I wish I was more like Kai. Maybe a bit like Ash, too. But I’m not. I’m me. And I can’t be part of what you three are doing.”
“I understand,” I said softly. “I apologize for upsetting you.”
