“Then which? Fuck or marry?”
Though he was teasing, panic filled me. “That’s a dumb game.”
“Could we not make this conversation even more difficult by mentioning the ‘m’ word?” Kai asked.
“It doesn’t have to be difficult.” Landon’s blue eyes were steady on mine. “Whatever you’re feeling, whether you think we’ll like it or not, is fine. It’s what you’re feeling. We’re not asking you to say anything untrue for the sake of our egos.”
I nearly rolled my eyes at that. Landon wasn’t the one who had an ego the size of a mountain—unlike the two men next to me.
Asher dove in. “Do you want to see us again?”
“She’ll have to see you. You go to the same school,” Kai pointed out.
“But we managed to avoid each other, with one notable exception, the first three-and-a-half years,” Asher pointed out.
“I want to see you again. All of you.”
Landon looked please. “That’s a start.”
“No, it’s not. It depends on why she wants to see us. Is it just for sex?” Asher demanded.
“Of course not. I like spending time with you.”
“Spending time in the friend zone,” Kai muttered.
“I think of you as more than a friend,” Landon said in his simple, straightforward way. “So, I’d like to know how you see me. See us.”
“We were clear,” I said desperately. “From the start we were clear. Nobody was supposed to catch feelings, so I stuck to that.”
“I think you’re lying.” Asher’s voice wasn’t accusatory, just matter of fact.
“I’m not.”
“I think you are. Remember when I was in the chair and you straddled me? You freaked out, and it took me a long time to realize why.”
“I was tired,” I protested. “Most virgins don’t go from zero to sixty in one night like that.”
“You were fine once I laid you on the bed,” Asher continued. “I think that when we were face to face, eye to eye… it started to feel too real, too raw for you. As if it might be about more than just sex.”
“No, that’s not what…” My quiet words trailed off.
“I know that, because I felt it too. That was the first time it hit me that this wasn’t just about banging the hot chick I had a complicated history with. You were right there, staring into my eyes, your arms wrapped around me… and it started to feel like it might be something else.”
I’d just been tired. That was all. Except… maybe it wasn’t.
“And I think part of the reason you freaked out was because it was me. Maybe if it had been Landon or Kai, those feelings wouldn’t have scared you as much.”
“Shit, man, when did you get so introspective?” Kai asked.
I sat there completely shaken, trying to process what Asher had said. But it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be.
“What I feel for you… it’s not real. It’s just hormones. Lust. You three are really good in bed, I can admit that. That’s all I’m feeling. Everything else isn’t real.”
Landon leaned forward and took my hand in his. “Why do you insist it’s not real?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Exasperation filled my voice.
“Not to me,” Landon said quietly.
