My eyes pull from the window and I look down. “Dammit, Trent. You scared me. I didn’t hear you come in.” There’s far more aggression to my tone than necessary but it’s the damn resentment.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just saying hi.” His voice has a tentativeness to it, and I know he’s trying to defuse the bomb before it explodes. “You’ve been in your head a lot lately. If you really don’t want to go to the reunion, we don’t have to.”
He leans against the counter crossing his arms against his chest and his feet at the ankles as he eyes me suspiciously.
“No, I think you’re right and we should go.” I lift the plate to inspect the damage. It’s just a small chip on the edge but otherwise it’s fine. We have more crappy plates these days than good ones.
“Really? I thought I’d have to do more convincing.” He pushes off the counter and his hands plant on my hips. He peppers kisses and runs his open mouth up my neck. But instead of leaning into his advances, I shrug him off.
Though he sighs, he squeezes my hips and backs away. This poor man deals with so much for me I’m surprised he sticks around.
“Sorry. I’m just busy. Charlie was really needy today, and I’ve just had hands on me all day.”
“It’s fine, Les. You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m not a horny teen anymore, I get it. Life is busy and chaotic, and you need more than just some smooth moves. I can’t help that I find you sexy as hell though. Even in your yoga pants, oversized t-shirt, mom bun, and suds up to your elbows.” He leans back against the counter in the same way he was before making a move.
I never know what to say when he says things like that. He’s still incredibly sexy, but he’s still toned and fit and perfect while I’ve put on a few, gained stretch marks, and have saggy boobs. I’m nothing like the Leslie he met when we got together in high school, while he’s basically just a slightly older model of himself.
“You want any help with those?” He juts his head toward the sink.
“No, I got them.”
He steps next to me and pulls the plate from my hand. “Then how come you’ve been scrubbing the same plate for the ten minutes I’ve been here?”
My trance completely snaps and I turn to look at him—his eyes are soft and filled with concern. He puts the plate back in the sink, turns off the water, and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest.
Warmth and familiarity wash over me and I start to loosen. Home. Trent has always felt like home to me.
“What’s going on, Baby? You’re worrying me a little bit.”
“I’m just nervous about the reunion.” I wrap my arms around him awkwardly as I try to keep my soaking hands and forearms from touching his shirt. And try not to think of the puddle I’m making on the floor behind him. Just another thing I’ll have to clean up later.
“That can’t possibly be everything. I know there’s a lot on your plate at the end of the year with the PTA and closing out class mom business, but there has to be something else.” Sometimes I hate that he can see right through me.
It hasn’t been until all this reunion nonsense started that the resentment crept back to the surface. I’m feeling it more and more on a daily basis over stupid little things, like dropping the plate because he startled me.
Now’s the time.
“I sometimes still have negative feelings about our breakup, and I’m just afraid that being with all those people and in that place again will bring those feelings back. I don’t want that.”
He deflates against me, his shoulders slumping. It’s like I can feel the pain in his heart.
“I don’t know what more you want me to say about it, Les. I’m sorry. But we’re married with three kids and a big house and nice cars. What more do you want?” There’s a slight bite to his tone and while I understand it, I don’t appreciate it.
What I want is for the breakup to have never happened. But he can’t go back.
Time to put on that fake smile and be perfect. I hate that I do it with Trent too, instead of being real and open. But, it saves us what would likely be twice the number of fights and disagreements. “Nothing. You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just a stupid thing that comes up sometimes, but you’re right. I can let it go and I bet we’ll have a fun night at the reunion.”
No part of him looks convinced, but he seems to accept my apology as he pulls me against him and kisses my forehead.
“I’m going to go play outside with the girls. Please stop scrubbing that plate. In fact, move on from dishes. I’ll be with them, so you don’t need to watch them anymore. Go relax a little.”
“Ha. What is this relax you speak of?” Though I’m trying to be funny, it’s really not. I bust my ass all day, and while Trent knows it and suggests I relax, he also knows I can’t possibly. I’m barely on top of the things I get done in a day and there’s still a million more to do.
“At least sit. Read some emails or something.” The only reason he suggests it is because it’s one of the few times I sit during the day. Otherwise, I’m running errands, picking up toys, cleaning some part of the house despite the fact that it’s always a mess, or cooking dinner.
“Oh, you actually reminded me I need to send one out for Mrs. Miner’s class about the end of year gift. Thanks, honey.”
With a heavy sigh, he walks out in the backyard, both girls running to him and hugging his legs. He’s a great father, and it shows in their reaction to him when he gets home from work. Unless he gets cut off by a child, he always makes sure to say hello to me first.
