He followed me to the dining room table and we sat beside each other, picking at the eggs.
“That was really hot,” Kevin murmured, forking some fluffy yellow egg into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully and swallowed.
“Was there anything you didn’t like?” I asked. “Or anything you did?”
Kevin and I had been together for a year. We’d met through an online app, chatted a bit, then met in person at Rapture. Our first session together had been a lot different than the one we had tonight. We’d played rough and hard, and Kevin loved every second of it. I’d never told him, but I’d fallen in love with him that night, and then I’d loved him ever since.
Our relationship worked because we had rules, boundaries, and mutual respect. When we’d first started seeing each other, we’d agreed this one particular aspect of our relationship wouldn’t overtake the rest and that it wouldn’t be a 24/7 thing, but it wasn’t something we’d managed to stick to for long. It was impossible for me to not constantly exert some kind of control over Kevin in all things we did, just like it was impossible for him to not submit.
He was naturally submissive, beautifully subservient, and perfect for me in every way. We’d fallen into a comfortable routine over the year we’d been together, and three months ago, we’d consolidated into Kevin’s city view condo. His place was closer to the hospital I worked at anyway which made the late night shifts a little less brutal, knowing the man I loved was ten minutes away, not sixty.
But with the consistency and comfort of our relationship came complacency. I wouldn’t say we’d gotten lazy, but things had turned a little predictable. The role play had been my idea. We’d pretend to be strangers and go meet at the club and do a scene together. I’d enjoyed myself thoroughly, and I hoped Kevin had too.
“I liked all of it,” he said, pushing some eggs around with the side of his fork, his expression pensive.
“But?”
“But it’s just not the same.”
“Well, it’s not supposed to be. It was pretend,” I reminded him.
Kevin’s frown deepened. “No, I mean…you.”
I hoped he didn’t notice the surprised breath his words made me take. It was the last thing I’d expected him to say, the last thing I could have predicted.
“What do you meanme?”
“You’re not…you’re not the way you used to be with me,” he said, setting down his fork and folding his hands in his lap. He looked up at me like the words hurt him, but they couldn’t have hurt him any more than they hurt me.
“How did I used to be?” I said softly.
“Rougher.” He swallowed and looked down. “Meaner.”
“Meaner?” I choked.
“Just. More aggressive. You pushed me more.”
“I’ve been pushing you for a year,” I said. “We have limits and rules; there’s only so much I can do or so many times I can do the same thing.”
“That’s why I was so excited when you came up with this role play idea,” he explained, pushing the plate away. “I thought I would get a taste of old Ronan again.”
“Old Ronan,” I repeated.
“You respected my boundaries, but you found other ways to make things exciting. I never knew how things would go when we had a scene. I didn’t know what to expect. You used to make me sleep in a cage!” Kevin’s voice climbed with every word that left his mouth, his face turning red and his frustration becoming clearly visible.
“Kevin,” I tried to soothe him, to talk him down.
“A cage!” He gestured toward the hallway.
“Everything has a time and a place.”
“The time and place used to be always,” he snapped.
I leaned back in my chair, eyes wide with shock. Kevin had never spoken to me like that, and he’d never had such an outburst. I prided myself on believing Kevin and I were completely in tune with each other, but seeing him so upset over this shift in our relationship—that I’d never even noticed—had me totally off-guard.
“Kevin…” I tried to calm him down, but the redness bloomed up his throat as his breathing accelerated.
He pinched his lips closed between his teeth and blinked, as though realizing how he’d been talking to me, the things he’d been saying.
