“You didn’t make it easy on them back then,” Thad pointed out. He hadn’t made it easy on any of them, to be honest.
Gavin let out a short bark of a laugh. “No, I didn’t.”
“You were out of control there for a while,” Thad said, wondering how that reminder would go over. But to his surprise, Gavin nodded.
“Yeah, I was.”
“I never really got why,” Thad admitted.
“I don’t know.” Gavin winced. “I think the pressure from hockey was getting to me. The expectations for our draft. And Mom was so … she was kinda fucked-up about the way she treated us.”
“Yeah, I know.” Thad winced at the thought. Because yeah, his mom had been … weird about the whole twin thing. Always obsessed with them dressing alike and doing everything together.
Hell, she’d even named her sons after her father, Gavin, and his twin brother, Thaddeus.
“Dakota says it’s not healthy the way she kept trying to mold us into some idea of … like a redo for the original Gavin and Thaddeus.”
“He’s not wrong,” Thad admitted. Because seriously, it wasweird. The first Thaddeus had died tragically in the Korean War, and everyone had always said the first Gavin hadn’t been the same since.
Thad didn’t have a ton of memories of their grandfather but what he did remember was that he’d been a bitter, miserable old man.
“It can’t have been easy for Mom growing up with someone like that,” he said.
“No, I’m sure it wasn’t.” Gavin picked up his chopsticks again. “That doesn’t mean I should have been expected to … to make up for all that, or whatever.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Thad agreed.
“So as far as why I went off the rails, I suppose it was a combination of things. And I think I felt …constrictedby all of the expectations. I’ve wondered for a long time if some of it was because I was gay.”
Thad frowned. “I’m not sure I get what you mean.” He popped another piece of spicy tuna into his mouth.
“Well, come on. I was gay and there were no gay players in the NHL at the time.” Gavin gave him a pointed look.
“You think you were self-sabotaging?”
Gavin shrugged. “It makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” Thad said slowly, mulling over the idea in his head. He’d never considered that angle of it before.
“That’s been in the back of my head for a while, but Dakota also suggested it recently and the more we talked about it, the more I got this gut feeling that he’s onto something there.”
“You’re dating a smart man,” Thad said.
Gavin chuckled. “Don’t I know it.”
“Too good foryou,” Thad joked.
But Gavin shot him a rueful smile and shrugged. “Also probably true.”
“Well, maybe don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Thad said. Graham was unquestionably a better person than he was. “Just be grateful.”
As if Gavin could tell where Thad’s thoughts had gone, he asked, “How are things going with your guy? I know you went home with that woman last night. How did your guy react? Were you trying to make him jealous?”
Thad really,reallydidn’t want to answer those questions, especially because he’d either have to lie to his brother’s face or tell him something that might make him guess who Thad was talking about.
So, he decided to go with deflection instead. “Un-uh,” he said, reaching for another piece of sushi. “We were talking about your issues. Not mine.”
Gavin let out a noisy exhale but picked up his chopsticks. “You’re an asshole.”
