And yet here she was, experiencing definite, unrelenting arousal in the form of her nipples pebbling, her sex plumping and a supremely carnal moan building, building, building at the back of her throat.
It was proof of her rash yearning that she came within a whisker of believing him. ‘Oh come on. You wear me like an unwanted cloak you can’t wait to cast off. I’m giving you permission to shed me once and for all.’
‘It’s not up to me—’
‘Of course it is,’ she interrupted because she couldn’t bear to hear it. Just as it bruised her to admit what she said next. ‘Gunnar doesn’t give a damn one way or another. Which begs the question. Why are you putting us both through this torment?’
He speared her an openly derisive look. ‘It’s a torment to live a life of luxury being waited on hand and foot?’
‘It is when it comes with the baggage of guilt and martyrdom you wear like badges of honour.’
In the deathly silence that followed his face lost layers of colour, his chest rising and falling as fury boiled around him. ‘What did you just say to me?’
Since she’d already pulled the pin, she might as well throw the grenade. ‘Would you even be here if it wasn’t for Helga?’
‘Lotte.’ Her name was an icy warning.
‘I’ll answer it for you. No, you wouldn’t. And somehow, I’ve been swept into a remorse crusade I never asked for.’
His chest expanded, quiet deadly fury wafting off him. He grasped her arms and propelled her one step back into the cabin wall. ‘Watch yourself,litla.’
She laughed and the acid of it scoured her throat. ‘There you go proving my point. I’m twenty-two years old, Valenti. Your continuing to treat me like a child is pathetic and insulting. She was my sister! And you know the absolute worst thing? In all these years nobody has bothered to tell me what happened. Gunnar clams up when I ask him or quickly finds somewhere else to be. And you? I only so much as hint at her memory and you turn into the Hulk. Did either of you bother to check what your silence means for those who weren’t there? That what our imagination conjures up might be worse than the actual thing?’
His lips twisted, his features haunted. ‘Nothing you ever imagine can be worse.’
‘Well pardon me if I don’t take your word for it. If I’m fed up to the gills of being fobbed off by dismissive selfishness disguised as well-meaning concern.’
Shock and fury warred on his chiselled face. ‘You think a blow-by-blow recounting will make you feel better?’
‘Feel better? No. Offer some sort of closure? Yes.’ Her voice lost a little volume partly due to her building grief and because she was exhausted from being left behind, being left out in the cold. ‘She was my hero. She meant something to me too.’
He prowled to the window, and against the silhouette of white, his giant frame filled every corner of her vision. Her world. Again she was struck by the harsh reality that soon she would not have this. That the next time Valenti walked away from her would be the last time she set eyes on him.
Fresh desolate sadness filled her, but she held it under wraps when he started to speak in deep, rumbling tones entirely devoid of inflection as he scraped his fingers through his hair. ‘I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.’
‘I know. Neither would I.’
He didn’t acknowledge that. She touched his shoulder, felt his muscle twitch beneath her finger. ‘Valenti…’
‘Stop. Enough.’
‘No, you stop. I’m not going to let you keep pushing me away. I know this is the last place you want to be. But since you’re too stubborn to do things my way, you’ll have to suffer the consequences of my presence and everything that entails.’
‘Dios mio. You’re fucking impossible,’ he muttered under his breath.
Somehow, hearing him swear made him a little bit human. A tiny bit flawed and more approachable. ‘I’ll take that as a compliment. Maybe.’
He turned fully to face her, and her breath strangled in her throat. ‘To answer your questions, no. I do not want to be anywhere else,’ he rasped hoarsely.
CHAPTER FIVE
Herpulsehitched. Now such an annoyingly frequent occurrence, it had become the norm in his presence.
She wanted to dissect that,endlessly, but she wasn’t sure how she could handle it if he dismissed it. So this time she would save herself the trouble, move on to more important things.
What’s more important than this.
She ignored that just as she ignored the continued racing of her heart when he led her to the sofa, pressed her into a seat and perched opposite, cupping her face with one hand. She needed every scrap of strength to pull back from the finger exploring her lower lip. From the shadows and light dancing through his eyes as he stared at her with a ferocity she wanted to embrace with every fibre of her being.
