Penny gripped her sheets as emotion threatened to drown her.What if she’d stripped his hope and motivation? What if he’d been working so hard and she’d ruined it? What if her words had been the final pin that pricked his sobriety bubble?
What if he called and she wasn’t there, so he gave in and went for a fix? What if she said the wrong thing, and he used? What if he found someone else? What if she said something that made him angry? What if, what if,what if?
She couldn’t do it again. She couldn’t be anyone else’s person. She wasn’t strong enough after Lucas. After Danny. She’d made herself so small and ground herself to dust trying to be exactly what they needed, and shecouldn’t do it again.
Penny threw herself out of bed and went straight into the bathroom for a hot shower. As water formed rivulets over her skin, she breathed and talked herself down. She hadn’t meant to hurt Brett. He would understand why she felt the way she did. He seemed so obviously to be in a better place than Lucas ever had been those last couple of years.
Yet the pit inside her didn’t want to fill. No matter how many ways she tried to comfort herself, she only succeeded in making it less deep. By the time she walked out into the kitchen with her hair hanging damp down her back, she felt confident she wouldn’t break down in tears if Brett was out there making breakfast.
He wasn’t. The door to his room was still shut, so Penny went to the cupboard and pulled out a packet of oatmeal. She put it in a bowl with water and heated it in the microwave, then added blueberries from the fridge.
Penny had barely sat down at the table when Brett walked in.
“Good morning.”
Penny swallowed her bite. “Morning.” Her heart rate spiked, making her hand tremble when she dropped the spoon back into the bowl. “I’m sorry, Brett.” This was the second time she was apologizing to him first thing in the morning.
He frowned. “For what?”
“For disappearing last night. You told me something personal, and—”
“No, it’s fine. It was late.”
Penny nodded. She thought of the words on his arm ensconced in the wings of a phoenix. The way his skin had felt under her fingertips. She wanted to tell him that he could talk to her about it if he wanted. She wanted to know why Tyler came with him to meetings, how long he’d been sober, how it had impacted his life, and more than anything, whether he was okay.
But she knew that if she started, she wouldn’t stop. It already felt like she’d known Brett far longer than a week, and the tug she felt toward him would only get stronger if she dug deeper into his life.
“Sunday Supper is at five tonight,” Brett said.
Penny knew that. Kelty had created a group text between her and Emma last night on her drive home, and both of them had insisted she come again. She hadn’t texted back yet. “Isn’t it only supposed to be for the Snowballs? I don’t want to keep crashing.”
Brett gathered the ingredients for his shake. “People bring friends all the time. Emma’s brought her photographer friends a ton.”
“If you’re just trying to score a ride, I can take you.” Penny waited to see Brett’s reaction to her attempt at a joke. Maybe they could go back to joking around and playing Halo and forget about last night?
“How do you always see straight through me?” Brett didn’t look at her, but the corner of his mouth lifted. “Actually, I may just go over with Tyler. We’re going to hit that meeting at three, and it’s not too far from Sean’s parents.”
Penny nodded, grateful Brett wasn’t making a big deal out of it. “Okay, sounds good. I might go with Kelty and Emma then.”
Brett looked up. “Any other plans for the day?”
Penny stretched her arms over her head. “Just submitting more applications.”
“Right.” Brett scooped protein powder into the blender. “I saw something this morning I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I opened up the hockey boards—”
“Boards at the rink?”
Brett laughed. “No, we have a website with chat boards. A place where all the players in the league can ask questions or get in touch with other teams.”
“Got it, sorry.”
He put the lid on the blender but didn’t start it. “There were a couple of guys on there from Calgary talking about how they were having trouble finding PT.” Penny’s ears perked up. “Made me think. Maybe you could work with people privately or something.”
She considered this. “It sounds good in theory, but I don’t know if other people would be excited to work out in their home where I don’t have all my equipment set up.”
