"We're not doing that anymore." She elbowed me away but I didn't go far. "Either stop punishing me for the past or get the hell out of my house. There's no in-between."
"There was nowhere else for me to go." I kissed the corner of her mouth. "Because the only place I belong is with you, and you fucking know it."
Her chin wobbled as she dropped a hand to my chest, her fingers slipping under the placket of buttons and connecting with skin. "You have more explaining to do," she said, those fingertips pressing into me. If she only knew how much there was to explain. About the latest disaster fucking my life.Fuck.I layered a hand over hers, trapping her there. "And you're not forgiven. Not yet."
"I wouldn't expect it," I said, folding her into my arms.
"I haven't decided if I'll let you stay."
"Decide tomorrow," I said.
A laugh vibrated through her. "You should know my guest room is barely bigger than a closet and only has a small daybed."
"Lucky for us, Percy's a small kid and I'll be sleeping with you."
"I never said you're sleeping with me."
I stroked a hand down her hair with a laugh. "No, baby, I did. Now, be quiet and let me hold you unless you'd rather give me the long-form account of who the fuck that guy was."
She rested her forehead on my chest. "No one you need to worry about."
"That's my girl." I kissed the top of her head. The tension in my body was slow to unwind but I felt my jaw loosen, my shoulders soften. "I've missed you so fucking much."
"Sorry, but I didn't miss you at all. I was too busy being annoyed that you couldn't find a second to answer even one text message. Very time-consuming these past few weeks."
"No, not since this clusterfuck," I said. "I've missed you for—for fuckingyears, Audrey. I don't want to do that again."
Before she could give me anything more than a sudden inhale, Percy bounded into the kitchen, Bagel hot on his heels. He skidded to a stop at the island, pointing at a tiered stack of pastel cake stands where she displayed her baked goods.
"I see that," I said to him.
He climbed onto a stool, making himself right at home in Audrey's kitchen. She freed herself from my hold and opened the fridge. "You two must've had a long day. Are you hungry? Do you need a snack before bed?" She retrieved a glass container, saying, "One of my favorite snacks is my version of an apple crisp. It's warm, cinnamony apples with oatmeal crumble and?—"
Percy slapped his hands on the counter as he nodded. "I want the apple crisp," he signed. "Yes, please, the apples, yes!"
"I think I know the answer," she said, laughing.
Audrey went to work scooping the crisp into bowls while Percy signed, "Are we going to stay here?"
"Do you want to?" I signed back.
She set a bowl and spoon in front of him. He dug right in, his eyes drifting shut as he dramatically savored the first bite. When he opened them again, he signed, "I want to stay here forever infinity."
I gripped the edge of the countertop to keep myself from signingMe too.
chapter forty-seven
Jude
Today's vocabulary word: privilege
Percy crashed notlong after licking his bowl clean. It was easier to get him down for the night when he was tired and it helped that Bagel put himself to bed around that time too.
I sat on the floor of the cozy guest room, quietly unpacking my son's stuffed friends as he drifted off. He needed that familiarity, even while I was just a few steps away in the other room. Glasses, night-light, charged iPad all within reach.
When it seemed like he'd avoided the type of nightmare that usually caught him within the first hour of falling asleep, I crossed the hall to Audrey's room. As with the rest of the house, it was small but it was profoundly comfortable. Walls in a mellow, aquatic green, a thick rug over hardwood floors, and white furniture.
She slipped a tasseled bookmark between the pages of a hardcover and set it aside. She'd changed into a pajama set like the ones I remembered from Sedona. Button-down top with tiny shorts, always butter-soft and outrageously hot.
