Until now.
“Don’t make any decisions today,” Frank said. “It’s yours for the next year. Give it some time. There’s no need to turn over the property to a municipality any sooner than necessary. Take the year. In the meantime, I’ll have my assistant overnight express the keys and paperwork to you.”
After I provided Frank with Jaime’s address, he ended the call, and my gaze landed on the overflowing boxes and baskets lining the wall. Everything I owned was packed into those containers. There was a time when I’d promised myself I was finished living out of a suitcase. That my life wouldn’t be about portability anymore. That I wouldn’t be halfway here or there. That I wouldn’t live like this anymore.
And here I was, thirty-two years old and right back in another temporary situation with no clue what came next.
Except…I could decide what came next.
My life didn’t have to revolve around anyone else. Not anymore.
I could do whatever I wanted.
Jaime peered at me. “How are we doing?”
I shrugged. “Okay.”
“Is this it? Are we getting married?” Jaime asked.
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I’ll do itforyou,” she repeated.
“We’re not getting married. I’ll get struck by lightning if I think about marriage for more than a few seconds and you’ll probably lose all your chaos bi credibility, not to mention. Everyone knows your stance on monogamy and legally binding unions.”
“We could have an open marriage,” she said.
I really could not ask for anyone better than Jaime. “You’re too good to me. And you’re kind to offer. But everything I know about farming could fit into this glass.” I held up my drink. “I don’t know. This whole thing is ridiculous. I can’t…I mean, I never actually liked living in that town. But I was kinda happy on the farm and it’s not like—well. Hmm.”
I counted the containers. It wasn’t that many. If I organized it just right, I could fit everything into my car. I could pick up and go. I could go right now if I wanted. I didn’t need to wait for the keys. I knew where Lollie hid all the spares.
Aside from the fact I could leave, it seemed like Ishould. Grandma Lollie’s farm was the only place that ever felt like home to me and I had this narrow bit of time before I’d lose it. I had to go there while it was still mine.
“What are we thinking?” Jaime asked. “I know that look. You got that same look when you decided to completely overhaul the apples and pumpkins unit two days before the start of school a few years ago. It’s your crazy scheme look.”
I tore my gaze away from the boxes and smiled at Jaime. She taught first grade next door to my kindergarten classroom. “No crazy schemes,” I replied. “Good news for you though.”
“And what would that be?”
“I’m getting off your couch for good.”
“And where will you be going, doll?”
I drained the contents of my glass. “I’m moving to Rhode Island tomorrow.”
She flopped back against the cushions. “This is it, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“The start of your villain era,” she said. “The ‘no fucks given, ask me if I care, throw out your whole life and start over just because you feel like it’ era.”
I thought about that for a second. It was true, I didn’t have any fucks left. And if my shameful sangria and midday pajamas were any indication, I did not care. All I had left to do was throw out the remnants of my life. And the idea of that felt like the first breath of fresh air in far too long. “Yeah. Maybe.”
* * *
“I want to support you,”Jaime said as I shoved another box into my back seat. “I also want to make sure you’re not diving headfirst into a depressive, destructive situation.”
“I have a reasonable amount of depression,” I said from inside the SUV. Two days after talking to Frank, I’d consolidated my things down to the essentials, taken a leave of absence from my school, and felt truly, actually alive for the first time in too long. “The appropriate amount. All things considered.”
