“I love you, too,” Jessa responds.
“Do you girls think Connor and I are moving too fast?”
“Fast? You’ve been together since you were sixteen!” Jasmine glances up from her phone.
Jasmine, our resident romance expert, always seems to know when conversations shift toward matters of the heart. I still remember how we bonded over a revenge plot in college, forming a friendship that outlasted the pain of betrayal.
“But he’s the only man I’ve ever kissed,” I whisper, conscious of dice rolling, cards shuffling, strangers celebrating wins and lamenting losses around us. “The only one I’ve ever...” Slept with. I didn’t need to finish the sentence, because they knew. “I can’t help feeling like I’m missing out on something.”
And what if that was the problem? Not that Connor wasn’t amazing, but that he was all I knew.
All the good, all the bad, all the in-between, made up one beautiful, familiar man. Was there another ‘between’ I was supposed to explore?
Jasmine and Jessa exchange glances, and my stomach twists with guilt.
They’ve witnessed every milestone in my relationship with Connor. From convincing my parents I wouldn’t stop seeing him when they believed his being eighteen and my sixteen wasn’t right, to our tearful goodbye when I left for college to our joyful reunion when I returned to Winter Bay after I graduated.
My coworker Kira showed me photos from her trip to Barcelona last month, laughing with a gorgeous Spanish guitarist she’d met at a café. The way she became animated when describing their three-day whirlwind romance made me yearn for that.
Connor and I have our vacation spots, our favorite restaurants, our books. But when was the last time we did something spontaneous? When we were teenagers, maybe. Before life became a perfectly planned timeline.
“That’s ridiculous, Meesha. You’ve found what most people spend their lives searching for. Don’t throw it away on a whim.”
“Have you told him how you feel?” Jasmine asks.
“It was hard enough admitting it to you two.” I fight back tears. “I don’t want him to think I’m ungrateful. I love him, I do. I just—” I swallow hard, the words catching in my throat. “I wonder if I should test the waters before diving all the way in.”
My phone vibrates, lighting up with Connor’s face. “It’s him,” I murmur, already reaching for it. “I should take this.”
I slide from my chair, phone pressed to my ear, my voice instantly brightening as I weave through the crowd. “Hey, baby...”
“Bonjour, ma belle.” Connor’s deep voice washes over me. “Guess where I am, là?”
“Please say you’re back in Winter Bay?” I lean against a wall, away from the noise.
“Oui. Just landed at Winter Bay Regional, me.”
My heart does a little flip. He was finally home after spending the past month in Quebec caring for his mother after her hip surgery. I hadn’t expected him back for another week at least and tell him as much.
“I missed you.” The smile in his voice is audible. “How’s the bachelorette extravaganza going, eh?”
“It’s been amazing,” I say, glancing back at Jessa and Jasmine, who are talking amongst themselves. Probably about what I just said. “We fly back tomorrow night.”
“Good, because one month away from you is too much. I don’t know how I did it when you were at college.” There’s a pause. “Oh, and I have a confession to make.”
“A confession?” My stomach tightens.
“I finished ‘The Silent Patient’ on the flight, câlisse. I know we were supposed to read it together, but j’étais tellement ennuyé—I was so bored and I couldn’t stop once I got to the twist.”
My jaw drops. “Connor Beauregard! You did not just break our sacred book pact!” Our shared reading ritual had sustained us through four years of long-distance while I was at college. Even now, four years after graduation, we’d maintained our tradition.
“Ben, j’suis désolé! But that ending—”
“Don’t you dare spoil it!” I interrupt, fighting a smile. “I’m still halfway through.”
“Mes lèvres sont scellées until you finish. My lips are sealed. But you’re going to freak out.”
I shake my head; the brief moment of worry evaporates. The doubts that have plagued me since I accepted his proposal suddenly seem ridiculous.
