“Oh, that sounds amazing!”
“It is. The sanctuary’s up in the hills about a half hour from Santa Luz. They have pumas, lions, tigers, jaguars, and Iberian lynxes.”
“Count me in.” I elbow him lightly. “Any adventure involving animals is an automatic must-see.”
“Good to know for future reference.”
He keeps his eyes trained on the road, casually resting his left arm on the door’s armrest. However, I see traces of stress in his body language. He’s sitting more erect, and there are a few more lines under his eyes than earlier in the week.
“Your tía Yesenia was fun,” I start. “Is she a lot like her sisters, your other aunts?”
“Mm-hmm. They all are.”
That’s not the reaction I was hoping for. I chew on my lip. How can I get him to loosen up? Before I know what I’m doing, I reach out and brush two fingers along the length of his forearm. Except instead of being reassuring to him, he jerks the car to the right.
For a terrifying moment, I picture us sailing off the highway straight into the ocean. My breath catches and my heart pounds erratically.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, immediately correcting the car. “You caught me off guard.”
I’m shocked and confused. What have I done to have him react like that? Less than five minutes ago, the mood was light, and we were talking about our plans for our downtime. And now it’s like he’d rather be anyplace else than near me.
We drive along in silence for a few more minutes until he finds a turnout, stops the car, and cuts the engine. Opening his door, he steps out. I watch as he places his hands on top of his head and paces, speaking to himself under his breath.
I open my own door to get some air. A cool sea breeze hits myface. It smells of salt, brine, and mud. Cars zoom past us on the highway. I sit and watch helplessly, waiting for him to signal to me he’s ready to talk. All I want to do is take him in my arms, but as it currently stands, that’s the last thing he likely needs or wants.
Ten minutes pass. Fernando walks over to the metal barrier protecting anyone from tumbling off the cliff and into the ocean below. Judging that it’s safe to approach him, I slide out of my seat and take a series of slow, cautious steps in his direction.
“Fernando?” I call out. He continues to gaze out at the ocean. I plant myself next to him. My hand hovers above his shoulder, but I’m afraid to touch him again. I run my hand through my hair instead.
“I’m sorry if I scared you back there. It’s the last thing I ever wanted to do,” he says.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly.
“Not really.” He slides his hands into his pockets. “But we probably should.”
The word “we” catches my attention.“Is it something I’ve done?”
“No. It’s all me.” His shoulder hunch and he takes a deep breath. “I thought I’d be able to handle having a fake relationship with you, but the truth is, I never should’ve agreed to any of this.”
“Oh.” All the muscles in my body tighten. I’m suddenly on high alert.
“You’re an amazing person, Ava. I’ve had more fun with you over the past week than I have in a long time.” He slowly raises his head. Our eyes meet, his wide with concern. “You’ve moved to the top of my friend list, but friendship is all I’ll be able to ever give you. That’s all our relationship can ever be.”
As he speaks, the little dove of hope I had that Fernando and I could become a real couple flees and flies out over the ocean. All the feelings I’ve developed for him over the last week will have to be suppressed and vacuum sealed back to the state they were before I left Sequoia Valley.
“Lately, I’ve been feeling like we’re slipping past the friend zone and into a place that crosses the boundaries I’ve set,” he says.
I squeeze my knees together. He’s hit the nail on the head. Wehavebegun to cross that fine line between the friend zone and the dating zone. He’s not the one who’s responsible for it though. I place the blame on myself. Why did I have to fall for another friend? Ugh. I should’ve learned the first time around.
“I understand.” My voice comes out rougher than intended. “And you’re right. Ihavefallen for you, Fernando.” I find my body starting to quiver. “I’m sorry if it’s become a problem.” I look away from him and stare out at the vast ocean, watching the waves break against the rocks. My insides are being ripped apart like a piece of wrapping paper, but strangely, it doesn’t hurt as much as it should. I’m numb.
He clears his throat. “I think at this point, it might be for the best if we told my family that you and I broke up. Continuing this charade is going to be painful for both of us. And the last thing I want is for you to have to suffer because of me.”
“No, Fernando.” I lift my chin. “I’m stronger than I look. This does hurt, but I can push my feelings aside and pull this off. Just like I do at work when I have to help a person who has to make a tough decision about their pet’s future.”
A small piece of my soul is torn away whenever I have a person who can’t afford further treatment for their pet, have to give them a grim diagnosis, or when I have to put an animal down. As much as I want to run to the corner and bawl my eyes out, I have to stay strong and be professional. I can’t cry about it, otherwise, I’d never be able to get through the rest of my day. My emotions don’t get released until I’m home alone with Max.
Fernando appraises me. “And knowing it’s fake won’t be too painful for you?”
