DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS
Milly
Sleeping is impossible.I toss and turn for the remainder of the night, my mind replaying every moment with Twitch. Today is a workday, but I called in sick. I’ve had barely a few hours of sleep, and I know I won’t be any good at work like this—miserable and distracted. I never take sick days, but today I just can’t face it.
My phone rings, and my heart leaps. I’m hoping it’s Twitch, but when I glance at the screen, I see it’s Edward. I let out a long sigh, feeling foolish for letting my guard down with Twitch. I should’ve known better.
“Hello,” I answer, trying to sound normal.
“Hey, I was told you were sick. I wanted to check you got home okay and it wasn’t food poisoning or anything.”
“No, the food was great,” I reply, forcing a small laugh. “I just didn’t get much sleep and thought I’d do more harm than good if I showed up today.”
“That’s not good. I hope you get some rest,” he says, his voice warm with concern. “By the way, do you remember that older man who lost his wife in the shooting?”
I pause, my chest tightening. “Ah, yes, I remember him.” How could I forget? He blamed me for his wife’s death. No hard feelings, though—I can’t imagine how hard it must be to lose the person you love most. My eyes water as I think about Twitch. He’s not just some guy. He’stheguy, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
“The man came in today asking for you,” Edward continues. “He still looked stressed out. I wasn’t sure if he was planning to apologize for his behavior last time, but I told him you’d most likely be in tomorrow.”
I frown. “The man seemed traumatized the last time I saw him. Are you sure he wanted to apologize, because there’s no need, really?”
“He didn’t say, but I can’t imagine him needing to yell at you again.”
Edward’s optimism is almost endearing. Grief hits people differently, so I better prepare myself for tomorrow—whether it’s an apology or another round of blame. It could go either way.
“Well, thanks for letting me know,” I say.
“Hopefully, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I wince. “Yes, I should be in.” Who am I kidding? Of course I’ll go in. I’m going to go stir-crazy today, and the guilt of putting my own feelings before work is eating at me.
We say goodbye and I put my phone down, only for it to ring again. I groan loudly, frustrated that I can’t even have a moment to dwell. When I see Ivy’s name on the screen, I soften. Ivy is one of my safe people.
“Hello,” I answer, unable to fake cheeriness.
“Oh no,” her voice drops. “Is everything okay?”
My pathetic love life makes me pause. “I’ve realized I really like Twitch,” I admit, laughing bitterly. “But I know my brother won’t allow it. And Twitch... he’s such a good guy that he’ll choose Mercedez’s health over everything else. He’ll do anything to keep her stable—even if it means making her his ol’ lady to keep her quiet and to protect my relationship with my brother.”
“Shewhat?” Ivy squeaks, her voice rising in disbelief.
“Oh yes,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “You can’t make this stuff up. She threatened Twitch—told him to make her his ol’ lady or she’d tell everyone about us. She even has proof of us kissing.”
I fan my face, trying to calm the anger and hurt bubbling inside me. My heart feels like it’s breaking all over again. “Why can’t I ever be happy?” I ask, tears streaming down my face. “He’s the only guy I’ve ever liked, and I can’t have a relationship with him. I want more, and I hate myself for it because I know how this is going to end. I should be immune to the pain by now, but I’m not. The clubhouse was the only place I ever felt truly happy and at home. And now, with everything that’s happened, it’s all gone. Both Twitch and I are struggling with the lies and the deceit, but we’re also struggling to say goodbye to each other. He was here last night, and then he had to leave because Mercedez called and threatened him.”
“I’m so sorry, Milly,” Ivy says sympathetically.
“Yes, I’m proud of my career and I’m content.” I sniffle. “But being by myself isn’t what makes me happy. My whole life is a litter of tiny papercuts on my heart, and just when I see happiness in my grasp, it slips away, leaving me with another cut.”
“The whole Mercedez thing is crap.” Ivy huffs. “Like, I get it, she’s mentally unwell, but who does she think she is? And if she really cared about Twitch, she wouldn’t be acting like this. She’s just using him to get what she wants—to be an ol’ lady. What are your thoughts on moving forward?”
My stomach twists painfully. “I don’t think there’s any moving forward for me and Twitch anymore. I understand the position he’s in—he’s trying to protect everyone, including me—but...” I slam my hand down onto the bed. “I want more. I want to be his first choice. I want him to putusabove everyone else. I want him to fight for us.”
“Why don’t you tell him that?” Ivy asks gently.
“I’m worried about him,” I admit. “He already looks like he’s struggling, and I don’t want to add to his stress. He hasn’t had an easy life, and the MC pulled him out of a dark place. They’re his family, and I know how important family is to him.”
Ivy lets out a heavy breath. “Yeah, he’s been keeping his distance and going to bed early. You can tell something’s wrong when Twitch skips dinner. The men must know something’s up, but they’re probably thinking it’s got to do with dealing with Mercedez.”
