“They’re pretty popular. Jeanine gave me some recs. I think I’m going to read one with her and Mara. It’s where guys like you sweep us off our feet and you’re only toxic in the fun ways.”
“I’m not toxic!” I objected.
“No, but can you speak for all of you?”
“Well, no.” I released a heavy sigh. If Violet wanted it, I’d do it. “What’s it called? Let me see if I can get it on my e-reader.”
Vi squealed and kicked her feet. “I can’t believe you said yes! Wait till I tell Jeanine. Maybe she can make Dylan read it and you can have a buddy to read with.”
I couldn’t stop my smile. “Sounds like you guys got along. And let me get a head start so I can check it for you.”
“Oh.” She waved me off. “Jeanine said it’s good. I told her I can’t read assault and that content warnings are sometimes wrong.”
A jolt of something akin to fear pulsed through me. Would she not need me for romance books anymore? My insecurity spilled out. “Wait, are you dumping me as your reading buddy?”
Vi nestled into the crook of my arm and kissed my cheek. “Of course not. I can’t act out the scenes with Jeanine.”
My throat dried out and I could feel my pinky toe dipping into the icy darkness that lurked under all my days. The threat of Vi leaving always loomed, casting a pall over my time with her. Each time she left, she shredded another piece of me, and the more we went on, the less I believed those parts would grow back. Every encounter was shadowed by whether or not she’d stay.
And yet, I’d let her have those pieces of me if it meant I had a chance of keeping her for good someday.
But what was I to her now? Was I just sex? Just a safe friend?
It was on the tip of my tongue.I want more. But one wrong move, and she’d be out the door.
So I held my words.
Until my phone chimed. Twice. I slapped at it on my nightstand.
But then her phone buzzed in the armchair. We looked at each other suspiciously.
“Do you think maybe . . .”
Her phone started to buzz again and she rolled out of bed. “It’s Kitty.” She swiped to answer, taking a video call and walking back to the bed. “Hey, bestie.”
“Heyyyyy, bestie,” Kitty said cautiously. Violet slid back into bed with me, where I sat up, shirtless. “I should have known you two would be in such a position. In bed together, huh? Hi, Colt.”
I waved. “What’s up, Kitty?”
She twirled her ponytail around her finger and grimaced. “Have you . . . been on the internet today?”
My breath caught in my chest. “No,” Vi said. “Why?”
“Um, well?” Kitty coughed a nervous laugh. “You two made Slapped Shot. Were you at a college party last night?”
I knew the account well. It was essentially hockey’s burnbook online, a gossip page that kept up with all of pro hockey’s movers and shakers. Kitty tapped her screen a few times, and then a text came through with a link. Violet opened it. Her eyes widened and a hand clapped over her mouth.
There we were, grinding on each other against the wall in that dim basement.
A leaden feeling pinned my limbs down. “Fuck.”
“I mean, bright side, you guys look great?” Kitty tried. “Love the energy. Very passionate.”
Vi coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess we have that going for us.” Then she stared longer. “It’s probably not a big deal, right? What’s the worst that could happen?”
My phone rang again, and I had the sinking feeling that there was probably something worse.
THIRTY-ONE
