My palms begin to sweat and I force myself to relax my grip on the flowers I’m holding before I crush the stems.
Whatever happens tonight, I’ll have to be okay with it.
After all, I brought it on myself with my stupid insecurities.
There’s movement on the other side of the door, and I hear thethwackof the deadbolt being thrown before the door swings open.
Piper’s eyes go round when she sees me, but she recovers quickly, wariness settling over her features. “This is a surprise.”
I hold out the flowers, lilies wrapped in brown paper. “Can we talk?”
She takes them without comment and steps aside to let me enter.
The pumpkin spice candle is burning, just like on my first visit, and textbooks are spread out on the coffee table, making it clear she was studying.
“This won’t take long,” I promise, turning as she closes the door.
“It’s fine.” She crosses to the kitchen and places the flowers on the peninsula, careful to keep her distance. It’s a gut punch, but no less than I deserve. “I take it you’re done processing.”
Her face remains guarded and I hate that I’ve made her feel like she needs to protect herself from me. It took weeks to break down her walls, but only seconds to erect them again.
“I came here to apologize.”
She worries her bottom lip, but says nothing.
“I reacted poorly to the news that you’re a camgirl and I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. If I could take it back, I would.”
“What’s done is done.”
“I know.” Just like I know she might never forgive me, but still, I have to try. I couldn’t live with myself if I walked away now. “I didn’t leave for the reasons you’re probably thinking.”
She cocks a hip and leans against the counter. “You have no idea what I’m thinking.”
“No, not exactly, but I know how it looked when I bailed on you.”
“So you didn’t leave because you were disgusted by my work?” She snorts. “Could’ve fooled me.”
“I could never be disgusted by you.” Christ. I want to go to her, to take her in my arms and forget the other night ever happened, but that’s not an option. For either of us. “I admit I don’t understand why you could choose to cam, but—”
“It’s a job, just like any other job.” She straightens, pulling herself up to her full height. “Yes, I perform on camera, but it’s not personal. I don’t meet up with these guys or let them touch me, and I set the boundaries. I don’t do anything I’m not comfortable with and if you can’t handle that, that’s on you.” She sucks in a breath, chest heaving as she levels a dark look in my direction. “Sex work isn’t something to be ashamed of and not all sex workers have daddy issues or whatever it is you’re thinking. It’s actually pretty empowering.”
Shit. I’m totally screwing this up. I’ve put her on the defensive when I’m supposed to be apologizing.
“And for the record, a lot of the guys who subscribe to my content are just lonely. They want a human connection in a digital world and they’re willing to pay for it.”
This, at least, I understand, so I jump on it.
“I get it. Waverly is expensive.” I shrug, remembering how she compared my sport to her job.It’s just a means to an end. “Hell, I wouldn’t even be here if Coach hadn’t offered me a football scholarship.”
I’d be at home, helping on the farm.
And you never would’ve met Piper.
The time away from home is a more than fair trade. I couldn’t see it before, but now…
Now I realize just how lucky I am.
Not only am I getting a world class education, I had the opportunity to fall in love with the incredible woman before me.
