Had she haunted his waking thoughts for all these years? Did he see violet flames whenever he saw her?
In the past, she probably would have relished in the idea of hurting him, of burning his beautifully sculpted body. But all it did now was fill her with grief, horror, and shock.
She hadn’t even remembered the attack. It must have been on instinct that her magic went haywire.
Nikator brushed back her hair slowly, his fingers skimming over the skin on her shoulders, tracing the small freckles dusting her skin. “Don’t cry over that. Trust me when I say that looking at you isn’t a problem for me.”
“But how can you say that?”
He tangled his fingers in her waves, twisting them around and breathing against her skin. A shiver rattled her down to her core and she bunched her hands into the sheets to keep from running her hands up his thigh, or his chest—or any part of him, really.
“Do you know why I decided to start guarding you from outside your room?” His nose grazed up her neck and he inhaled her scent—long, hard, agonizingly. He was slow. Distracted. Unbothered. “It was becoming unbearable being near you. Every time you laughed, smiled, glanced out the window—it was too much for me. I wanted you so badly. Every time our gazes met, it was nearly impossible to keep myself restrained. To keep myselffrom crossing the distance and pressing my mouth to yours. So no, Biyu, I don’t look at you and think of anything other than you beingyou.”
Warmth spread over her like a wildfire. He was always saying things that made her pulse race.
“But I … I scarred you.”
He hummed a response, seemingly too distracted with pressing a kiss to her bare neck. “It’s just another scar.”
He spoke like it was such a trivial thing. Maybe there was a cultural divide. In Huo society, scars weren’t looked at favorably. Even on the men who went into battle. It wasn’t frowned upon like it was for women, but it wasn’t part of the beauty standard, and the fact that she had done it to him made her feel ten times more guilty. Everyone wanted to feel beautiful. Didn’t he?
She told him exactly that, and he paused in nuzzling her nape. “Do you find it repulsive?”
“Well, no.”
“If you want me to cover?—”
“No!” She twisted around in his lap and framed his face with her hands, eyes wide at his words. “No, Nikator. I like you the way you are. I would never want you to cover yourself because you thought I didn’t like what I saw.”
“Then it’s decided,” he said with a nod. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “You’ll stop worrying about the scar and stop feeling guilty about it.”
“Nikator …”
“Enough guilt. Let’s just sleep it off, all right?”
It was hard for her to cast aside her guilt that easily, but she nodded slowly nonetheless. He flopped them both down on the bed and covered their bodies with her blanket. They resumed the spooning position once more, Nikator’s fingers resting atop her hip. Time ticked by slowly, and his breathing slowed into a quiet rhythm. She found she liked these moments the best. Being inhis arms, safe, and listening to his steady breaths. It filled her with a calm she couldn’t exactly describe.
Her eyes became heavy and she almost fell into a slumber, when a motion across the room caught her eye. She blinked. It was so dark in the room, the candle nearly melted into a tiny stub, that it was hard to make out the small shape stretching out from underneath her vanity. It was Jade; her gray coat looked inky in the shadows of night. Around her neck was her collar, and sticking out of it was a folded piece of parchment; small, but bright against her sleek fur.
Biyu’s eyes snapped open wider, her breathing stilling. It must have been a note from Yat-sen.
If Nikator saw Jade right now, he would see the note since it was sticking out so precariously. Then everything would fall apart and whateverthiswas would end as well. She didn’t think it was possible for her heart to jump so hard, so fast, and so erratically.
Biyu carefully smoothed her fingers over Nikator’s and waited. He didn’t stir, so she carefully picked up his hand and placed it atop his chest. She scooted the barest inch away, and his arm snaked around her waist immediately. He pulled her flat against him again, words in his native tongue rolling off his tongue as he buried his face in her hair.
“Smell so good,” he mumbled.
Her cheeks turned hot immediately.
With her eyes shut, his scent overwhelmed her—sweet vanilla, salty oceans, and warm spices. When she flashed her eyes open, Jade had jumped on top of her vanity bench and curled into a tight ball. The piece of parchment stuck out even more from her collar.
Trying once more, she picked up his arm and moved it. This time, however, he didn’t embrace her. His breathing remainedsteady and soft, laden with sleep. She scooted over again, and Nikator’s hand glided up her spine.
She froze, her gaze never snapping away from Jade.
“Where are you going?” His voice was quiet, a little slurred with sleep. It would only take a few seconds of blinking away the fatigue for him to notice the cat. A few seconds for him to reorient himself. For him to cross the distance to Jade. A few seconds for all of this to combust into ashes.
“I have to pee,” she blurted out.
