“No. Stupid Ben.” I corrected and then tugged at my hair. “Sex and love aren’t the same thing to me. I know that sounds stupid, but I’m a guy. It was easy to separate the two.” I blurted out, and her eyes widened. “It didn’t mean anything.”
The cliché words fell short in the quiet room, and my shoulders dropped.
“Do you want to read the letter?” I asked.
That made her sit upright, and she nodded. I sighed and pulled out my phone.
“I took a picture of it.” I handed her the phone and watched as her eyes darted back and forth, reading line by line the handwritten beat down her grandmother had given me as her farewell. I knew the second she had finished reading it because her shoulders relaxed and she squeezed her eyes closed.
She held the phone out to me without opening her eyes and took slow, measured breaths.
“Thank you.” She whispered. “I didn’t realize that I needed to know what she said to you. That I needed to know she hadn’t made excuses for you or tried to forgive you.” Her eyes opened again slowly, and they were shiny but calm. “She didn’t.” She said softly, relieved.
“She said I was my father.” I choked out and then turned my head away from her, overwhelmed by the flood of emotions.
“She reminded you that you can be better than him.” Melanie snapped. “I’m not going to comfort you about her final words, Benjamin.”
“I- that’s not what I want.” I protested.
“It is. You are uncomfortable being treated like the villain even though you were okay with acting like one. You want me to absolve you of the way you’re feeling and I’m not going to.”
“Melanie.” I held up my hands and shook my head, “I don’t want to fight.”
“Then go home, sign the papers, and end this charade.” She replied, and I felt my chest tighten.
“Is that really what you want?” I fell to my knees. “I’ll beg. I’ll do whatever you want.” I felt like my heart was cracking. I couldn’t imagine my world without Melanie and the Walshs in it. Who would even be left?
Frank?
Angela?
I shivered at that thought.
“Yes, it’s really what I want.” Her voice was steady, and her eyes were cold. “I really appreciate you sharing that with me. It brought me a lot of comfort, but you have to know this can’t be fixed?” her eyes searched mine, “If you sign the papers Ms. Yang already sent, then I won’t pursue the full amount allotted by the prenup. Nor will I investigate deeper into the affairs orfinances.” The look on her face told me she knew more than she’d let on.
I weighed the options silently and then rose to my feet with a jerky nod.
“I don't care about the prenup. You can have anything you want." I lied. "And I don’t want a divorce, but if it’s what you need… I’ll do it.”
The look of relief on her face was like a knife to the heart. Her entire body slumped at my words, and a small smile settled on her face.
“Thank you.” She breathed out, “thank you for putting my needs first.”
“My lawyer will call yours,” I said brusquely. “I-I’m glad you are ok. I need to go.”
She nodded and looked to the door. “Send them back in on your way out.”
I stood there for a few more seconds and took in every detail of my wife.
“Can… can I hug you?” I asked. She hesitated. Irritation, disgust, sadness, longing, and finally resignation flitted across her face while she debated with herself.
“A small one.” She relented.
I moved quickly to her side and sat on the edge of her bed. She stiffened and then let me pull her into my arms. Her hands sat limply on my sides, and her cheek was pressed against mycollarbone as I pressed my nose into her hair and breathed in the smell of her shampoo.
“I’ll give you what you need, but I’m not giving up on us.” I mumbled into the top of her head, and she pulled away.
“Ben…” she said warily as I jumped to my feet and crossed the room.
