I paused, staring up at the face that haunted the dreams I thought I’d said goodbye to long ago. “I loved Muri, Esel, and Sercha as much as I loved you. With everything I was.” It hurt to remember, to see the happiest days of my life and know they were all gone.
Arim slowly withdrew from me — our physical joining, another link to the happiness that was ours — now lost.
“As I loved you.”
“Then how could you think I was capable of such evil?” Anger stirred, that bone-deep resentment he’d planted in my hardened heart. “I would never have harmed my family. I was hurt, traumatized, and in shock. I tried to revive them. I called upon every ounce of magic I had inside me, but nothing worked. They were dead, and I couldn’t help them.”
Arim caught the angry tears gathering at the corners of my eyes and leaned close. He kissed me with tenderness, yet the expression when he leaned up from me was impossible to read. “In the hundreds of years since, I’ve wanted to know. I think maybe I did know, but I still couldn’t equate the girl I’d loved to the Dark Lord bent on killing me in that house filled with death.”
The question in his gaze forced me to respond. “I couldn’t think past the smell of blood. My entire existence was thrown, and the Dark energy surrounding their deaths sparked a reaction I’d never had to face.”
Arim’s gaze narrowed. “I hadn’t considered that.”
“You have no idea what it was like. I’d lived for years happy, loved, and cherished by a mother and father who weren’t rightfully mine. I always feared it might be taken away from me some day. Oh, I heard the things others said when they didn’t know I was around. Churchmen and staunch Light Bringers who hated the idea of a Dark Lord changeling in their midst. But Muri always told me I belonged.
“And then they were dead, and you looked at me as if I’d done it.” I stared at him, feeling his betrayal as keenly as if it had happened yesterday.
Chapter 15
Lexa
Arim scowled. “That’s not what happened.”
“Then tell me why you looked at me like that. Tell me why you attacked me and turned away from everything we’d had,” I demanded, still needing to make sense of the one event in my life that forced me into a direction I’d never imagined I might take. “Because on that day, I woke feeling loved and wanted. Before night fell, I was taken to Dark Lord lands. To Malern.” I hated that place.
“Lexa —”
“Taken by Ini, a woman so vile, she might as well have been a demon herself.”
Arim closed his eyes, his jaw tight. When he looked back down at me, I saw a kaleidoscope of color in his gaze, his emotions bleeding into the physical. Heat shimmered off his body, not harming, but comforting, which confused me even as I fought to hold on to the fury I rightfully carried.
He blew out a breath. “I was worried about you when you didn’t show up for class. You loved spellcasting, and I knew you’d never willfully miss it. I waited, but when you didn’t show at University, I knew something was wrong. When I found you, you were covered in blood.”
“From trying to revive my family.”
“Your energy was erratic, strong and so incredibly Dark…” His piercing stare burrowed into me. “I believed in you, Lexa. I loved you. I only wanted to ease your hurt. Then you slapped at me with a Darkness so painful I was stunned. Hate and violence swirled around you like a mantle, just like the aura of destruction that had settled over Muri, Esel, and Sercha.”
“That’s not true.”
“That’s exactly what happened. I didn’t believe you’d done anything, not until you struck out at me. I was stunned and hurt and mostly confused. But if I hadn’t defended myself, you might have killed me.”
“Killed you too, don’t you mean?” I tried to jerk out from under him, enraged he still wouldn’t accept the truth. “You and Sin Garu deserve each other. You only see what you want to see. Pain and violence breed so much the same. You arrogant piece of —”
Arim covered my mouth with a hand. “This time you’re not going to make me lose my temper. We shared something special once, and whether you like it or not, we still do. I’ve come to realize my memories of that terrible day aren’t perhaps as clear as I thought.”
I stopped thrashing beneath his hand. What was he saying?
“Some time ago, we put aside our differences to rid our world of Sin Garu. You let me look inside your mind, and I saw something that confused me.”
I glared at him, and he reluctantly removed his hand.
I poked him in the chest. “I knew it! I knew you’d looked into my memories. I only let you into my mind to convince you we needed to stop Sin Garu together.”
“Yes, well, that glimpse into your mind was unintentional. I wasn’t fully convinced at what I saw, that scene you described as you found your family that day.” His voice lowered, brimming with sincerity. “I’ve been wondering what really occurred and why since the day it happened. But it’s been easier to concentrate on other things rather than relive the pain of your betrayal. No,” he said quickly, forestalling my denial. “I know you didn’t do it.”
I opened my mouth and closed it quickly. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about it, really thinking about you and the circumstances surrounding that day ever since you stood between me and death at Sin Garu’s hands.” He ran a finger over my lips, causing me to tremble. “You saved me, Lexa. You put yourself at risk to protect me. All the things you’ve done to help Tanselm, to protect my nephews and their affai. Hell, you even sacrificed a large part of your strength to heal my sister and without telling anyone about it. I couldn’t have been more blind about you, could I?”
