“Me? What do I have to do with this?”
Lexa pushed aside her half-eaten plate, which I happily helped myself to. “Do you really want to know?”
I nodded.
“Remember when we attended University, in the very first weeks of schooling?”
I recalled it clearly. The first day of classes I’d seen Lexa and fallen instantly in love. “The four of us used to spend a lot of time together. You and me, Sava and Kirsch.”
“And Sin Garu.”
I stared at her, and then it clicked. “That sullen blonde? He looked like a man fully grown. By the Light, he was an obnoxious fhel. Always taunting me, always trying to get my attention.” I saw the cruel male in my mind’s eye. “That was Sin Garu?”
“Ini pushed to have him enrolled in University. The scholastic board was all in favor of including as many colors and bands of Light as they could to better educate their students. Apparently, Sin Garu knew who I was, though I hadn’t a clue. Male Dark Lords mature much faster than others their own age. He was only a few years younger than me, but he looked like a grown man. Larger. Meaner.” She shook her head. “When I chose you over him, he took the rejection to heart and complained to Ini. Like the good Dark Lord she was, she beat him for feeling inferior. Ini festered his competitive nature to destroy and take what he wanted.”
“Which was what?” I still didn’t understand. But her disgusted expression made things clear. “You don’t mean…”
“Sin Garu wanted me. Sexually. Dark Lords have no laws governing sexual liaisons. From what I’ve seen, it’s common for Dark Lords to bed their own before finding ‘cleaner’ lines.”
“Hell, Blue.” I hated that she’d left Tanselm to live in that kind of environment. “You didn’t, ah, that is, no one ever forced you to —”
“No.” She adamantly shook her head. “Luckily for me, Ini didn’t subscribe to incest. She didn’t approve of her son lusting after her daughter, and she tore strips off him for thinking it. She turned his lust into anger, using you as his target. It didn’t help that every time he saw us together and tried to provoke a fight, you’d best him and rub his nose in it. You were so strong, even then.”
“He was a piece of fhel. What could I do?” My heart warmed, unaccountably pleased that she remembered me as such strong and capable. “So you’re basically telling me Sin Garu wants Tanselm because I have it? Or rather, because the land chose me to serve her?”
“His obsession started that way, yes. But Tanselm is a force beyond compare, as you well know. With Tanselm in his control, Sin Garu could conceivably launch attacks on any outlying worlds of magic, to include the mundane worlds. He’s bent on universal domination. Aided by the speed with which he recreates the Netharat out of dead and decaying parts, it’s a wonder you Light Bringers have held out as long as you have. You still play by the rules. Sin Garu doesn’t.”
“Is that why you’ve helped us? Because you’re afraid if you don’t, he’ll take you when he conquers everyone else?” I felt sick mentioning such a possibility.
“Partly. Mostly it’s because, aside from my family, Tanselm gave me what no one ever has.” That said, Lexa seemed to come to her senses and closed herself off.
We finished eating and drinking in silence. When I stood to gather our dishes, I asked the question she’d hinted at answering. “What did Tanselm give you that no one ever has?”
Lexa considered me for a moment, then sighed and turned away. “Something you wouldn’t understand. Unconditional, lasting love.”
Chapter 13
Arim
Days later, I stared at Lexa, wishing she’d say something. Since sharing more than I’d hoped she might, she’d turned steadfastly silent. Truth be told, I’d welcomed her quiet. At first.
Being around the woman I wanted to hate but couldn’t was hard enough. Confusing emotions pressed me from every angle, making me second-guess my interactions with her throughout the years. That stirred up the past and caused me to wonder about the future.
For centuries, I had tried to bury my feelings for the slight female, lingering only on that one day when our world had gone horribly wrong. It had been hell to remember the loving, blue radiance of her gaze, the delight she took in spending time with her family, the bewitching softness of her skin.
From the first, I’d been enthralled. Her ties with Darkness had intrigued me on every level, my initial resistance to our differences nonexistent. Our innocent love had blazoned with the potential for so much more until the damning deaths of her foster family.
Deaths I’d always thought she’d caused.
Uncertainty gnawed at me. The more time I spent around Lexa, the more I doubted what I’d seen so long ago. A small glimpse into her mind had pushed my reservations, snowballing into the cauldron of doubt now boiling over. Because for all of Lexa’s purported viciousness, I’d never actually seen her harm anyone except the Dark Lords and, well, myself.
Even then, she’d never done me any actual damage. Our battles had been fought fairly, Light against Dark. And just when Lexa had been granted an opportunity to kill not only Sin Garu, but me as well, she’d chosen to save me, granting her enemy’s escape.
At what cost to herself?
That inconsistency I’d noted when making love to Lexa bothered the hell out of me. Regardless of the spell Sava had cast, disabling us from using magic, Lexa didn’t look well. She was still sexy, still alluring in every sense of the word. But I could feel a subtle difference in her magic. I should have been pleased to finally be in a position of clear advantage. If her magic was off, the better for me. With us both mystically powerless, superiority fell on the shoulders of greater physical strength. Bottom line, in this contest, I was the winner.
So why did I want Lexa to engage me as an equal? Why wish she confront me, talk, or argue with me about anything at all? Just to prolong contact with her?
