I can't put that into words.
Nyx already knows what she is to me. She just wants to hear me say it.
She's that one extra cigarette that turns you from a consumer to an addict.
She's the first ray of sunshine through your window after a night full of nightmares.
She's reassurance, beauty, and talent.
She feels like the freedom of chasing after a butterfly. Like the impossible happiness of finding the end of a rainbow. You keep chasing and chasing…and it keeps getting further away. Because she's everything to me, but nothing I deserve.
As she places her palm on my cheek, my heart begs to tear through my chest since hers is a magnet.
"When, Achilles, do you admit that you lost your own game? You can keep making me do whatever you want just because you know deep down that I like it. You can keep destroying my life so I'm forced to rely on you. Ruin my relationship so I'm stuck with you. And scare me to death to write your masterpiece. Do it all."
She takes a step back, and it's worse than a knife through my chest. God, it's painful when she pulls away from me. Can't she stay in my arms? Always?
"But don't do it under the pretense that I just inspire you. Admit that you're falling for me. It might do you good to realize youdohave a heart." She drops something on the bed. Something I know she found in the bag. "You're not as selfish as you pretend to be. You care. You just never found someone who made you feel safe enough to express the love you hide deep inside you."
She picks up some sweatpants and a shirt of mine I'd put in the bag and leaves for the bathroom again. The click of the lock tells me I'm not invited.
My gaze drops to the picture on the bed. It's of her and an older woman. They're both posing with a violin. Nyx must be around twelve. I rescued it from her trailer too. It was right there on her desk, in her open old violin case. She clearly used to take that picture everywhere with her, and I had no doubt it's of her and her old violin teacher. A quick internet search afterward told me I was right. She's the woman who taught her how to play, who believed in her, and since her murder, Nyx lost the only person pushing for her dreams to come true.
Until me.
My phone pings the second she's gone, and I hear hers do the same in the bathroom. It can only mean one thing.
I put on gray sweatpants and a hoodie before looking down at the SFU app notification. I'm about to swipe it away when Peach's picture appears on my screen. I barely have time to pick up and put the phone to my ear when her furious voice pierces my eardrum.
"This is bad, Achilles,"she hisses."Really fucking bad."
"Bad for who?" I ask lazily as I eye the bathroom.
"All of us!"she shouts so loudly, I have to pull the phone away."Did you see Hermes's post?"
Not wanting Nyx to catch something she isn't supposed to, I leave the room as I put my phone on speaker to check the post. I walk down the stairs while I go on the SFU app. It's a picture montage of some women from SFU, zooming in on their faces and necks. More specifically, the necklace they're wearing. Ella’s on it, wearing her lotus flower necklace. There's a picture of Peach too, but it’s an old one because she doesn't wear hers anymore. Some other girls I know are on there, too. Camila Diaz, Heather Mount, and a few others. And some I don't know. Theyall share one thing in common. That lotus flower necklace they all wear, which is a sign that they are Heras in the Silent Circle. Aka, wives or future wives of Shadows.
"Hermes is outing the Circle,"Peach hisses."Your dad has called an emergency meeting, and even Wren has been asked to go. We're not supposed to be part of this shit anymore. What's happening? And where the fuck are you? Chris and Wren are looking for you."
The post's caption is short and simple.
Some of you have been trying to keep secrets from me…
And you know my job is to find them out.
Your secrets are safe with me. Until they aren't.
#letmebepartofyourCircle
"Just tell Wren not to go," I mumble as I open my fridge.
"In case you didn't notice, he and I are trying not to piss them off any more than we already have. Wren wants to keep peace, so he's going to go."
The last sentence doesn't have her usual strength. She's worried about her fiancé. And why wouldn't she be? The Circle lost a lot of power because of Wren, a lot of members too. But they'll gain their strength back at some point. It'd be smart for Wren to be in their good graces by then.
"Then let him go. He’s a big boy, and it's a smart move. Now, do you mind? I'm busy."
I pull out eggs, some bacon, and the pancake batter I'd asked the cook to prepare before sending him home this morning. I’d overheard Nyx tell Peach once that she always craved pancakes and bacon during her shift but never ate at The Basement because she didn’t want to waste money while she was trying to earn money. Apparently, they never feed her there.
