“Oh, not dress up, dress up. More like costumes. I mean, the Black and White Ball is fancy, but most everything else is like Halloween dress up." He chews on his lip again. “I suppose you could dress up for the parade. I usually go for hats and mittens since it’s cold, but I’ve seen people in reindeer onesies, and one year Ally dressed as Cindy Lou Hoo from the Grinch. Now that I think about it, I bet that wig she had on was probably warmer than my hat. The Santa and Mrs. Claus costumes are likely the warmest, but those are already taken.”
“They’re taken?” I cock my head to the side.
“Yeah. Nona’s husband—have you met Nona? She runs the convenience store on Main Street. Don’t shop there—it’s more expensive than the actual grocery—but she’s a sweet lady and her store is good in a pinch. Her husband looks like Santa year-round, but on Christmas Eve he plays the part, and she plays Mrs. Claus. Everyone knows it’s them, even the little kids, but it's still fun, you know?”
“Sure. Yeah.” I bob my head obediently.
“The parades are the best, especially the Christmas one. The whole town lines the street and we sing carols. The floats, which are really just cars decorated with bows and stuff, play music and lead us in the song. Do you sing?”
“Not well.”
“Me either. But no one can tell if you’re just mouthing the words. Especially during Silent Night. There are some rough notes in that one that I cannot hit, but no one will ever know.”
I must look as speechless as I feel because Beck catches my expression and bursts out laughing. “There’s a lot of character in this town. You’ll get used to it. Speaking of characters, how's the one you’ve got working for you?”
“Uh…”
“Ryder.” He sits up in his chair, suddenly serious. “I meant Ryder. How is he?”
I open my mouth to reply—shut it—open it again—but no words come out. Is he asking about him, or him and me? Is there a him and me, or am I reading into things?
“I’m not trying to pry,” Beck assures me. “It’s just that, things have been rough for him lately, and most of us haven’t seen that much of him since his brother…” he trails off, assuming I can fill in the blank
“How long ago was that?”
“Six months or so.”
Wow. No wonder Ryder is so tortured. His loss is incredibly fresh, and it makes perfect sense he wouldn’t be ready to do all the peopling he’s having to do at the adaptive center. Of course, that’s his own fault for doing something that justifies community service as recompense, but still. The surly attitude seems a tiny bit more justified now.
“Anyhow, rumor has it he’s riding again.” Beck snaps me out of my internal rambling. “That’s a good thing, right?”
“Carter seems to think so.” I play dumb. It’s not that I don’t like Beck or don’t think he’s genuinely concerned about Ryder, I’m just not sure it’s my place to say anything. And I know without a doubt any progress I’ve made with Ryder will fly out the window if he thinks I’ve been talking about his mental state with others, no matter whether my intent is for his benefit or not. Hell, he doesn’t even like that I’ve talked to Carter about him, which is kind of hard to avoid since the guy is my boss. In the end, I don’t think he holds that against me, but talking about what’s good for him with anyone else is a definite no go.
Fortunately, Beck doesn’t press for details. “Cool. So, have you got your suit for the ball?”
“Oh, um. I’m still notsure…”
“Don’t say you aren’t going. You have to go.Please.” He rests his elbows on my desk and clasps his hands like he’s in prayer. “I’m always the single one, and Ireallydon’t want to be this year, especially when the ball drops and people start kissing. If you’re with me, we can do a shot instead of a kiss or something. Please, say you’ll come.”
It’s not that I’m antisocial or opposed to getting dressed up, it’s that the guys mentioned something about a donation in Ryder’s brother’s name, which I assume means he’ll be there. Yesterday, that wouldn’t have been a factor. Today, after this morning… Wait, what am I doing? It’s a small town—I can’t exactly avoid the guy. And it’s not like we’ll have any weird almost confessions—or kisses—in a room full of people. Not if I’m doing a shot at midnight, anyway. What the hell.
“Sure. I’ll go.”
Beck jumps up and rounds the desk, throwing his arms around my neck. “Yes!”
For the first time all day, a genuine smile lands on my face, and I realize I’m actually sort of excited I won’t be watching the ball drop alone on my couch.
Chapter fifteen
Ryder
Max completed a turn today, just like I predicted he would. A few days ago, I would’ve gloated about that in front of Hayden, taking pleasure in the way it’d make him cross his arms and purse his lips. Today, that feels like a dick move. Something that would make his brown eyes look sad instead of furious. I don’t think I can stomach that, and not because I hate people giving me sad eyes in general. It’s himspecificallyI don’t want looking at me that way.
I don’t know what that says about me. Or him. All I know is I have no fucking clue what to do next. Except get a drink.
My buddy Deacon’s at the bar when I get there, sitting at the far side opposite the door with a pint in front of him. He spots me right away and waves me over, and while I’m not really in the mood for company, since he was there for me during some of my darkest days, I can’t ignore him.
He arches a brow in my direction when I order a beer.
