Jace
It’s pushing midnight by the time Kane leaves our bed, and while we try to insist he stay, I get why he didn’t.
For one, we didn’t really clarify that it’sourbed, not Blake’s, so he probably thought I’d find my way down the hall to sleep and figured he should find his own bed too. Plus, even though we could explain his car being here overnight—crashing on the couch instead of driving for example—why subject himself to the question of where he spent the night if he doesn’t have to.
I hate that he’s gone, but at the same time it gives me the opportunity to make sure Blake is still okay with this.
“I hate the idea of Kane being alone right now,” Blake tells the ceiling. His inability to look at me is a sign that he’s still coming to terms with it all, despite the fact I know he enjoyed it. I imagine Kane’s going through something similar, but I’ve seen Kane fall down and get up after wrecking on the bikeandafter a bad breakup, so I know he can handle this.
“We gave him a lot to process tonight. Sometimes people want a little space for that.”
“If he was okay with everything, why would he need to process it?” Blake’s fingers stroke idly over his bare chest.
I roll to face him, propping my head on my hand. “You’re processing it.”
His hand stills as he exhales heavily. “Yeah, I guess I am. Do you think it went too far? We weren’t exactly gentle.”
“I’m pretty sure he didn’t want gentle. And besides,” I lay my hand on Blake’s, “if we want to ease him into the idea of being in an actual relationship with us, we should avoid giving him the impression this is anything but three people having a good time. Being gentle says the opposite.”
Blake’s Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. “That makes this feel cheap and dirty.”
I open my mouth to object and can’t find the words to do it. It makes me sick to think Kane might feel that way about what we did, but the idea of pushing him away by asking for more than he’s ready to give makes me sicker.
We only had the one night together, over a year ago, but I’ve thought about him dozens of times since then. How he’s both sweet yet not a pushover, innocent while still adventurous. I admire how he’s willing to push beyond his comfort zone, but only for his own validation, no one else’s. Like coming here—I may not have realized he was Jackson’s assistant when we first met, but I knewofhim, and how invaluable he was. He didn’t need to take on this venture to prove himself, but he’s challenging himself to do it.
To look at his pink hair or hear his soft voice you wouldn’t necessarily default to thinking he’s a force to be reckoned with, but he is. I’ve never met another man like him, and I know the same is true for Blake. Yet those are big feelings to reveal in such a short time, and at the risk of sounding like a total dick, I’m not sure we should be confessingthat just yet. Not when he’s got the pressure of a new job and a new town to contend with.
Taking my hand off Blake’s, I rub it over my face. “I’m all for going about this differently if you have another idea. I just don’t want to scare him off by getting too serious, too fast. Casual seems like a good way to get things started, and unless I’m imagining things, I think he enjoyed it. I think we all did.
“It did go better than I expected. Especially after you grabbed my cock. Why’d you do that, anyway?” He finally looks at me, brows drawn in confusion.
“Was I not supposed to?”
“It’s not that. I just thought the first time would be about taking care of Kane, not each other.”
We never specifically said that, but it makes sense Blake would assume the focus be on Kane since we’re trying to add him to the equation.
“You were so hard. I didn’t think, I just reacted.”
“That wasn’t too familiar? Like, Kane wouldn’t see that and feel left out or anything?” Blake worries his bottom lip with his teeth.
“I’m pretty sure Kane licked his lips when he saw it, so I’d say it made him feel hot, not left out.”
“You think so?” Blake’s voice holds the same tinge of hope I feel.
“I do.” I trace my index finger up and down his arm, and though it’s meant to be reassuring instead of sexual, it causes him to inhale sharply. “Besides, wanting Kane to be in this with us doesn’t mean we ignore each other. The point is to do what feels good. What feels right in the moment. Pleasuring you felt right, and he liked seeing it.”
“Oh, God.” It’s barely a whisper. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“That you’re getting turned on again?” I bite my lip to stave off my lascivious grin.
“That we might seriously end up with Kane as our boyfriend. I’m terrified of that, but I want it too.”
“Don’t go down the coming out rabbit hole tonight, okay? Let yourself enjoy what we did without worrying what comes next.”
“Alright. On one condition.”
“What’s that?” I press my lips to his—just barely—so I’m not tempted to get carried away. But I had to steal that one kiss. As much as I don’t want him to spiral, his overactive brain is cute.
