“Yeah. Okay.” I pause what I’m doing and look at Jace, really look at him, for the first time since he barged inside. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a douche. I know I should’ve talked to you sooner, I just didn’t know what to say.”
Jace’s shoulders slump as he exhales. “I get it. I want to be pissed at you… I am pissed at you… but only because you acted like a dick, not because you weren’t ready to talk. I remember what it was like to have more questions than answers.” He slings an arm around my neck and pulls me to him for a hug, which I return gratefully.
“I’m scared, Jace,” I mumble against his shoulder. “What if this is one-sided? What if he’s not interested? I’m leaving before the shoot isdone, potentially jeopardizing my spot on the circuit. And your job. I could be risking everything for nothing.”
“It’d be a bigger risk to keep riding when your head isn’t in it, don't you think?"
"Yeah." My eyes fall shut on a heavy sigh. "I know, I just… I've never been so sure and unsure of something at the same time. I don't want to fuck anything up."
"Go tell him how you feel, and we’ll take it from there.”
"If I do that there's a change our lives are gonna change, big time." My fingers clutch at Jace's shoulders, looking for an anchor I think.
"You say that like change is something we don't deal with on a regular basis." Jace snorts. Figure your shit out and we'll take it from there."
“I love you, brother.” I squeeze him to me.
“I love you, too. Now get in the shower while I make us a couple microwave dinners. I don’t want to smell your rank ass while I’m trying to eat.”
For the first time in days, I move without having to be told twice.
***
I pull into the parking lot and turn off my bike, hoping this wasn’t a bad idea.
We said our goodbye’s nearly a week ago, without making any plans to see each other again. But quitting Lennon cold turkey hasn’t had the desired effect. My mind keeps drifting to what I’d be doing if I was with him. Fucking, obviously, but maybe just hanging out, too.
That day on the bike was one of my favorites in recent memory, and we didn’t get to the sex part until much later. Most of the time we justtalked, and not about stupid shit like our favorite movies and music. I told him about my dad for God’s sake, and he told me about his.
While it’s no secret my dad is a deadbeat that chases me for money, only Jace knows the guilt I feel about how my career puts my mom in his crosshairs. And now Lennon. I don’t share that shit with anyone, and I didn’t consciously plan to share it with him. It just came out. And he didn’t puke out a bunch of reassuring words that don’t really mean anything or pry for more information, he just listened and moved on.
Stuff like that makes me feel like he gets me. It makes me want to talk to him even more, and not being able to do that while we were in Utah sucked.
Up until last week I wouldn’t have called myself lonely. I traveled the world with my best friend, worked and competed with guys I’d known virtually my whole life, and had thousands of fans to cheer me on everywhere I went. I was literally surrounded, and even though Jace is the only person among that throng thatreallyknows me, I never felt like there was a void to fill in my life. Now I do, and instead of ignoring it like I probably should, I’m trying to fill it.
Right on cue, the back door swings open and Lennon steps out, looking like a grunge rocker in an army green skirt with silver buckles. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. His eyes grow wide as his jaw drops open, morphing slowly from a surprised ‘O’ to a tentative smile. It’s not the infectious one I’ve been seeing in my sleep, but it’s enough that I know he’s happy to see me.Thank God.
“Playing hooky again?” His velvety voice drifts over me, sending a warm shiver up my spine.
“Something like that.” I can’t stop the coy grin from spreading across my face as he walks toward me.
“If you wanted me to join you, you should’ve got here earlier. I’m done for the night.” He stops several feet away, close enough to see the hint of confusion in his brown eyes but far enough that I can’t touch him.
“I figured I have a better chance of getting you to take me home than skipping work. Although, if you’re game, I’ll definitely steal you away from the restaurant.”
“I thought we agreed we had our fun?” Though his words are cautions, he takes a step forward.
“I didn’t agree to that.” I shake my head, never taking my eyes off his.
“And I didn’t agree to see you again.” Another step closer, almost within reach.
“But you wanted to.” I hold his gaze, daring him to object.
“You think so?” He arches a brow.
“I know so. Your voice is all husky and your pulse is gonna beat out of your neck. You’re happy to see me.”
“Maybe I’m just happy to be off work.” He crosses his arms.
