"You should hold on to the strap, my love," he replied mildly. "But I shall certainly speak to him."
Chapter Three
Honor was doomed to disappointment the next day. Though she had her usual array of bouquets and nosegays delivered during the morning, and though several visitors arrived during the afternoon, including three gentlemen admirers, Viscount Fairfax was nowhere in evidence.
"It is not that I really expected him," she assured Jane after the last visitor had left and they were both climbing the stairs to their rooms to change for a late-afternoon drive. "After all, he has scarcely settled in London yet, and we did meet for the first time only last evening. And I am not conceited or anything, Jane. But I did think perhaps he would not consider it too forward to pay me a short call.Or to pay you a call.We must remember that he might be nursing a desperatetendrefor you." She laughed merrily.
Honor's remaining hope for that day was that the viscount would be at Mrs. Tate's musicale that evening. It promised to be a very dull affair, but he might be there. Perhaps no one had yet told him what a bluestocking Mrs. Tate was. Honor was unusually subdued during the drive back home.
"I don't understand it," she said. "If the man is in search of a wife, why did he keep himself at home this evening? You would think that he would have wished to follow up his advantage of last evening, would you not, Mama?"
It was Jane who answered. "How do you know that he stayed at home," she asked, "merely because he was not at Mrs. Tate's?"
"What?" Honor asked, alarmed. "Do you think some other females have had him all to themselves tonight, Jane? That would be vastly unfair."
Jane joked with her cousin and was genuinely amused by the strange mixture of conceit and anxiety she displayed. But for herself she was not happy that Fairfax had decided to return to town just at the time when she was there. She found herself unable to put him from her mind for more than five minutes at a time. She had relived over and over the hour she had spent in his company the evening before.How very charming he had been, and friendly.She wished somehow that he had appeared cold or arrogant. At least then perhaps she could have persuaded herself that she had loved merely a handsome exterior for five years.
She was disturbed at seeing him again, excited by the fact that at last she had met him, danced with him,conversedwith him. And she knew that for the next several weeks she would live for the glimpses she might have of him and the remote chance that he would recognize and acknowledge her, even talk to her on occasion. She was every bit as bad as Honor except that she kept her feelings to herself and had none of Honor's confidence in attracting the viscount's notice.
She did not wish to feel this way. It was childish to worship an unattainable man. It was demeaning. She was a grown woman who had spent painful years building self-respect. Was she to lose it now so easily in the consciousness she must have of her inferiority to him in the power to attract? She had spent those same years learning to face life with calm common sense. She knew—or thought she knew—exactly what she wanted of life. She wanted to find a husband with whom she could be comfortable, and she wanted to devote her life to that husband and to his home and children.
Mr.Fafordcalled the afternoon after the ball and took her driving in the park afterward. He talked about his prospects. He had a comfortable income from land he had inherited from his father. He would inherit more on the death of his grandfather. And once he had married off his younger sister, he would be without dependents. His reason for telling these things to Jane seemed quite obvious to her. It was not vanity, surely, that told her that she might expect to receive an offer from him before the Season was out.
She should be preparing her mind to accept Mr.Faford. In fact, she must accept him or face a probable future as a spinster in Yorkshire. That part of the country did not abound in eligible bachelors. Marriage to Mr.Fafordwould offer her just the sort of life she had been looking for. Yet now, only one day after seeing Viscount Fairfax again, she was feeling dissatisfaction. Dreams of love and romance were forcing themselves on her.Ridiculous, childish, quite unrealistic dreams.Was she to give up her chance to marry merely because of that vague longing? What could she gain from such an attitude but a long and lonely future?
Jane had been quite relieved not to see Fairfax at Mrs. Tate's musicale. She hoped that perhaps they would not see a great deal of him at all. She might be safe if that were so.
It was three days before she saw Lord Fairfax again, in a quite unexpected setting. She made a visit toHookham'sLibrary that morning, taking a maid for company. Honor, who normally read a great deal, had given up the pastime since her arrival in London, along with painting, her great passion. She dreaded more than anything the label of bluestocking. Jane drew a copy of Mr.Fielding'sJoseph Andrewsfrom a shelf. She had heard of it. It was reputed to be a satire on Mr. Richardson'sPamela.
"Good day, Miss Matthews," a man's voice said from close behind her.
She whirled around. She would know that voice anywhere, having spent an hour listening to it a few evenings before. She smiled. So he recalled her name too.
"Good morning, my lord," she said. "Is it not a beautiful day?"
"Indeed, yes," he agreed. "Lovely enough to make me almost wish that I were back in the country. Are you wondering if that book is worth reading?"
"I have heard of it," she said, "and have been wishing to read it. I have readPamelaand disliked it heartily. I should be quite delighted to hear someone make fun of it."
"And Fielding does a good job of that," Fairfax said. "In fact, it is a good book in its own right. But you surprise me, Miss Matthews. Most ladies of my acquaintance swoon quite away at the sentiment ofPamela. "
"I would like to give the girl a good shake for marrying Mr. B.," said Jane.
He did not smile, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes for one moment. "Indeed?" he said. "You are not a romantic, I perceive, ma'am?"
"Not in that sense!" she said decisively. "The poor girl is facing only misery in her marriage. She has nothing whatsoever in common with her husband, and she is not accustomed to the life she will be called upon to lead. Moreover, that man will tire of her quickly enough, and then what will romance have gained her?"
"And yet the book describes the first few years of the marriage as being quite idyllic," the viscount pointed out.
"I do not believe a word of it," Jane said.
"Well, ma'am," he said, "I shall be interested in hearing your assessment ofFielding'ssatire. I believe you will enjoy it. Do you plan to attend LadyMerriot'ssoiree this evening?"
"Yes," Jane said. "My aunt has accepted our invitation."
"I shall look forward to seeing you there," he said. "Ah, here you are, Sedge. Chosen your books, have you? I have discovered that Miss Matthews is a reader too."
Mr.Sedgeworthbowed and smiled at her. "How do you do, Miss Matthews?" he said. "You had better make your escape while you may, or Fairfax will be pressing all the volumes from his own library on you, and you will feel obliged to read them."
