“What’s wrong,leelan?”
She spun right into her mate’s chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. As she rested the side of her face against his sternum, the steady beat of his heart was so reassuring that just the sound of it lowered her own blood pressure.
The sadness didn’t shift, however.
“She died…” she heard herself say.
A resonant stillness came over the male she had missed so much. “Who died?”
Beth squeezed her eyes shut, except then all she saw was that bloodstained white robe. And the hand that had flopped loosely from the shredded wrist.
“The Chosen who fed L.W. during his transition. Salima. Salima died.”
“Oh, fuck.” He held her more tightly. “I didn’t know…”
“There’s a lot to tell you about the last thirty years.” She eased back and looked up, seeing past the black wraparounds to his eyes. “But that was the worst. At least for L.W.”
There had been other tragedies, affecting other people. Death had stalked them all, in one form or another. On that night of their son’s transition, however, it had struck so very close to their home in its characteristic, blasé cruelty, a stray bullet out of destiny’s gun that had done the kind of damage that was remembered for a lifetime by many people.
“I want to say that he was never the same afterward.” Beth put her head back where it had been, over herhellren’sheart. “But the truth is, he changed way before that.”
Wrath cursed under his breath. And then said again, “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Salima was determined to do her duty—I…I remember V urging her to stop. Doc Jane, too. She kept telling us she was fine, and we were all so focused on L.W. that we didn’t take proper care of her. We are to blame. We needed to look after the both of them, and…oh, God, we didn’t. Until it was too late. And what makes this even worse is that L.W. thought it was his fault, and probably still does. Or at least, I’m assuming he does. He’s never talked about it.”
Soft cursing rumbled through Wrath’s big chest. “I should have been there.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say he was. That she had thought of him. But then she’d been angry again at him afterward—irrationally so. As if his presence would have prevented the death? Although maybe it would have. Maybe he’d have been the one to watch that lovely female, who had let herself be used until she was drained.
And it had all happened on her and Wrath’s anniversary.
“There is just too much loss in this world,” she whispered. “Too much pain.”
Under her ear, his heart skipped beats, then settled at a faster rate.
Stress.
“You did so much on your own, Beth. I mean, I know the Brotherhood was there, the rest of everybody, too. But I should have been with you, with you both.”
This time, when she looked up at him, she saw only his gritted jaw and the hard jut of his chin. And that’s when it hit her—in the way the obvious always occurred to the oblivious.
With a crashing blow.
“I’m so sorry,” she said hoarsely. “I owe you an apology—”
“What thehelldo you have to be sorry for?” Wrath broke off and then paced around, George guiding him until he stopped. “Ishouldhave been there. Maybe if I could have fed Salima. I would have…I would have tried.”
He happened to stop under one of the light fixtures in the ceiling and the hollows under those cheeks, under that jaw, carved out a torment that would eat a lesser male alive.
And didn’t that make her feel even worse.
“I know you would have.” She went to him again, putting her hands on his pecs.
“And that’s what I’m sorry for. I was so…blinded…by the loss for so many years, that it’s almost a habit to grieve, I realize now. And I think I’ve been stuck in the mourning, even since you’ve come back. It’s made me miss the fact that you lost us, too. I don’t know why that’s just dawning on me right now.Youalso lost me, lost L.W., lost all those years.”
Wrath shook his head sharply. “Whatever, it was only a moment for me. You were the one who carried everything and had to live it all. Alone.”
Beth traced the face that she loved so much with trembling fingertips. God, she had been so unfair to him. “You didn’t abandon us, you didn’t choose to leave…”
