He lusted after his valet.It was inaccurate to call Geoffrey a temptation.Temptation implied a desire for something one could reach out and have.Geoffrey was torture.Donovan could not look at him without wanting him.Could not hear his voice without wanting him.Could not smell his cologne without wanting him.Could not feel his touch without wanting to rip his own clothes off and Geoffrey’s, too.
And after surviving all these years of torment, Donovan still didn’t know how Geoffrey felt about men who liked other men.What if Donovan hinted at the subject, only for Geoffrey to recoil in disgust or censure?Even if Geoffrey shared the same tendency, that did not mean he wished for an affair with Donovan in specific.Either way spelled rejection and heartache.Not that society would allow them to be together, anyway.
Every shared moment of the day was agonizing, and Donovan was tired of being miserable.Enough was enough.He would withstand this torment no longer.Society expected dukes to marry well and beget heirs.Geoffrey must expect it, too.The time had come to say goodbye.
Donovan scooped up the leather parcel and rose to his feet.“I need to speak with you about something important.”
“Of course.Should I take a seat?”
“That won’t be necessary.”The duke cleared his suddenly tight throat.“I fear I must ask you to take an action you are not expecting to perform.”
“It is my honor,” Geoffrey answered without hesitation.“I am yours to command, now and always.”
“Not always.Not anymore.”Donovan held out the leather satchel.
Geoffrey did not take it.“What is that?”
“Yours, now.It contains one hundred letters of recommendation.”
“One hundred…” Geoffrey’s brown eyes filled with sudden understanding—and pain.“Recommending me for what?”
His strong voice broke on the last syllable, rendering the wordwhata nearly unintelligible croak.
Not that the question was necessary.They were now both going through the motions of a play that had been scripted against their will.
“The position of valet,” Donovan said briskly, as if this conversation were not rending his heart in two.“With the words I have written here, Brummell himself would salivate to have a single second of your time.Prinny would hire you in a heartbeat.The world is yours.”
“The world is mine,” Geoffrey repeated quietly.“But not the…postthat I have loved for twenty years.”
“You have done nothing wrong,” Donovan said quickly.“You are exemplary in every way, and by every measure.”
Geoffrey’s eyes were anguished.“Then why—”
“I cannot,” the duke burst out, his voice and fingers shaking.“I cannot continue as I have been, clinging to a path that goes nowhere.Tomorrow I leave with my brother and his wife for a May Day celebration, at which I shall select a wife.”
Geoffrey stared at him as though the words held no meaning.“A wife.”
“A future duchess,” Donovan explained, “who deserves and shall receive one hundred percent of her husband’s attention and respect.”
This would solve all of his problems.He would not be the first peer to enter a loveless marriage, nor the last.It was a traditional path, and for Donovan, the only path.He might not be enthusiastic about selecting a bride, but the duke was faithful and loyal.From the moment he placed the ring on her finger, Donovan would not stray.Attraction to others would be irrelevant.There would be no more questions, no more wondering, no more waiting for a sign that would never come.A future that could never be.
“I am not the boy you met all those years ago, but a grown man,” Donovan said briskly.“Being bosom friends with one’s valet might be marginally more acceptable for a lonely lad in boarding school, but those days are gone.I am done raising eyebrows.I must sever ties so that I can marry a woman of my own class and undertake a normal, respectable, ducal life.”
Geoffrey made no response, save to gaze at the duke with hurt, accusing eyes.
Donovan pretended not to notice.He proffered the satchel again instead.“Take it.”
Geoffrey took it as though the bag contained a live bomb about to explode his life into a thousand pieces.
“Of course you must have a wife,” the valet murmured, his face pale.“I’ve always known… I just didn’t think… She… You and I…” He swallowed visibly.“You wrote letters of recommendation.I suppose I should thank you.”
Donovan had never felt more of a wretch in his life.
He gripped the edge of the desk for support.“The last thing I wish to do is dismiss you.”
“Then why must I—”
“Because ‘duke’ is not a postIcan walk away from.I’m sorry, Geoffrey.Believe me when I say that every minute in your company has been…” Donovan could not continue.There were no words capable of explaining the emotion trapped in his chest.“Goodbye, old friend.I will miss you.”
