“Go to bed Norton,” I ordered. “You’re delusional. You’re talking crazy.”
“No, I’m not,” he assured me earnestly. “It’s really a thing. Guys get all kinds of turned on because preggo chicks have those big gazongas, and I guess some of them get crazy horny too.”
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against my fist. “Seriously, Norton. I don’t have any kind of kink. Willow is my friend. I enjoy spending time with her. Now go to sleep.”
“Or maybe,” Norton went as if I hadn’t even spoken. “Maybe it’s because of Coach. Maybe Coach is the father figure that you never had, and so you’re hanging out with his daughter, hoping to win his approval. You know, in some sick twisted way, you look at his girl as your sister.”
If he hadn’t been so frustrating, I probably would’ve laughed at Norton’s insane theories.
“There’s a reason you’re not a psych major. Leave this alone and mind your own damn business.” Something occurred to me, and I stood up, stepping over the bags I’d already packed to glower over Norton.
“I do not want to hear you say any of this to Willow, or in front of her, in case you run across her during graduation,” I warned. “I don’t want you to speak to her in any way that is not a hundred percent respectful. If I hear of it, or if I see it, I will end you, and Norton, I’m not joking. Do not fuck with her.”
Some of the drunken hilarity faded from my friend’s face. “Okay, Dean,” he said. “Message heard, understood, and acknowledged.”
“Good.” I turned around and went back to my side of the room, where I began propping the already filled duffels up against the wall.
“You know I only ask because I care, right? I mean, you’ve been worrying me, buddy. All the time you spend with that chick who’s knocked up with somebody else’s kid, I worry that you’ve got a misguided sense of responsibility toward her.”
I paused for a second, my eyes falling shut. I couldn’t turn around in case Norton saw the guilt on my face.
“I don’t want you to lose sight of the big picture, Dean. We’re graduating day after tomorrow. You’re going into the armored division, something that you worked fucking hard to get. You’re going to kick some major ass at officer basic, and then you’re going to Fort Campbell to be the best damn platoon leader in this man’s army. All the time I’ve known you, you’ve told me that you have to keep your eyes on the prize because you don’t have any other options. Then this year, I noticed that you started letting up a little bit. You were gone a lot. But you weren’t having fun or anything; you were just babysitting the coach’s daughter because she had the misfortune to get herself pregnant, and she didn’t have any friends.”
“Norton, buddy.“ I pivoted around and stared at him. “You’re a good friend. You’ve had my back more times that I can count since we met. I’m glad that we’ve been friends and roommates here, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m gonna miss you like hell when we go our separate ways after this week.”
Norton’s face softened. “Same dude. Same.”
“But I’m warning you. You don’t know anything about Willow Casey or her situation. You don’t know why we’re friends, and you can’t understand that. Any responsibility I feel for her is not misguided.” I made air quotes with my fingers. “And that’s okay because it’s none of your business, but I’m telling you that you need to let this go. We’ve got to get through two more nights, and I need you not to say her name one more time. Not to me, not to anyone else. As far as you’re concerned, she doesn’t exist.” I pointed a finger at him. “Are we clear?”
For a long, loaded moment, Norton was silent, his eyes, which always saw more than I gave him credit for, dawned with some sort of understanding. Did he suspect what I was really saying? I had no idea, and honestly, I couldn’t give two shits now if anybody figured it out.
But finally, he nodded. He managed to get to his feet and walk over toward me, sticking out his hand.
“I’m sorry if I said anything out of line, Lassiter,” he mumbled. “No hard feelings?”
I took his hand firmly and shook it. Norton might’ve been a rich screwup son of a bitch sometimes, but I hadn’t been lying when I said he’d been a good friend to me. There had been times over these past months when I’d wished that we’d been the kind of friends where I would’ve felt comfortable confiding the truth about the baby Willow was carrying. But the reality was that even if Norton and I had that kind of relationship, I never would’ve put him in a position with the honor code. I wouldn’t have done that to him.
“Okay, then. I’m going to bed.” Norton began stripping off his clothes, reaching down to pick up shorts and a T-shirt from the floor where he had begun a half-assed attempt at packing earlier in the day,
I went over to my desk and picked up my phone, hoping to see a text from Willow. There was nothing. Within the past month, it had felt that she was slowly and yet suddenly pulling away from me, and I knew exactly why. I wished like hell that I could go back to the pretty April day when we’d sat in her parents’ garden and she’d told me that she was keeping the baby. I wished that I’d done it all differently. I wished that I had followed my heart, dropped down to the ground the minute she’d let me know, and gathered her in my arms. I wished that I had kissed her and told her that I loved her and that together, we’d figure out what came next, but that no matter what it was, we were going to do it together. I wished that I had asked her to let me be part of her life, of our child’s.
But I hadn’t. Instead, I’d made half-ass promises and awkward assurances. I hadn’t been able to say any of the things that I had a feeling she needed to hear. And so, if I lost both her and the baby after this week, it would be nobody’s fault but my own.
On impulse, I clicked her name and sent a quick text.
Hey. I know this is a big ask, and kind of last minute, but I don’t have anyone here to pin on my bars at the commissioning on Saturday. It would mean a lot to me if you would do one side.
I paused, thinking.
I was going to ask your father to do the other side.
If it’s too much to ask, just tell me.
I hesitated again, and then decided to go for broke.
I miss you, Willow. I wish all of this was different.
And then, without waiting for her reply, I turned off my phone and went to bed.
