I just didn’t know it would hurt this much.
“That’s it?” I ask quietly. “That’s all you have to say?”
She looks up guiltily. “I’ll keep you updated about Mom when I get home, and you know, what I find out at the ultrasound next week.”
The ultrasound she promised to FaceTime me for? I guess she’s changed her mind.
About everything.
And I don’t know what to say.
Normally, I would try to talk this out, but there are no words to adequately describe what I’m feeling. So instead of saying something that might upset her or send her into another panic attack, I merely say, “have a safe flight, babe.”
Then I turn and walk out of the room.
Chapter 36
Summer
I replay last night’s conversation with Tate over and over in my head during the flight to London. I haven’t slept because they still haven’t found Mom, and while my body is screaming for rest, my brain just won’t stop spinning. I’m worried. Scared. And heartbroken.
The expression on Tate’s face just before he left our suite.
The hurt in his eyes when I didn’t kiss him goodbye this morning.
The way he merely nodded when I said I would let him know what happens at my next appointment with the OBGYN.
The complete silence all night as we tossed and turned.
I know he didn’t get any more sleep than I did.
We laid there, side by side for hours, without touching, without talking, as if the bond between us just evaporated.
And I have no one to blame but myself.
Guilt, shame, and frustration take turns overwhelming my emotions and I must have sighed because King Erik looks over at me curiously.
“Are you all right?”
“Just worried about my mom,” I say quietly. “But thank you for asking.”
“They’ll find her.”
“Hopefully before she’s hurt. Or worse.”
“Have a little faith.”
“I don’t think I have much of that these days,” I admit.
“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why don’t you have faith?”
“Sometimes it feels like there’s a black cloud over my head. I try not to let it bother me, but it still does. My dad walked out on my mom and me. Then my college boyfriend walked away when Mom got her diagnosis. A couple of guys since then have as well. And then I spend a couple of days with a guy who has no interest in settling down, and wind up pregnant.”
“No interest in settling down? If that was the case, why did he marry you?”
