Before he moved his hand, he said, “Please tell me if anything I do is painful or uncomfortable. Your body is your own and you have control here.”
All I could do was nod again because that was so far from how I felt I couldn’t articulate it past the lump in my throat. Doctors rarely asked before touching me and they moved me round like a piece of meat. I didn’t blame them, as such, because they had a job to do and limited time to do it, but it meant I was used to just sort of… being there while they examined me. I never felt I waspresent. Certainly not an active participant.
Mostly, I did what they told me to and felt weak and useless.
Never in control.
Slowly, Erik began to move my leg, working my muscles in different ways. His hands were warm and soft, which reminded me of Sonny, but Erik’s were surprisingly strong. He lifted my leg and moved me around without any qualms. I began to feel relaxed, especially because he told me what he was about to do before he did it so I knew what to expect.
He got me up, made me walk up and down, made me sit, and somehow managed to spot that my lower back ached, even though I hadn’t told him or anyone about that. I didn’t want anyone to think I was even weaker than they already did.
“How did you know?” I demanded.
“Your muscles are tense. You can’t hide that. It’s physiological.”
“It’s only a bit achy.”
“It’s because you’re not standing correctly.”
I blinked up at him from where I sat on the physio table. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t know why none of your previous physiotherapists haven’t mentioned it but you need to learn to stand with the correct posture or you’re going to damage your back. Right now, you’re leaning to the side, compensating for a perceived weakness.”
“What do you mean a ‘perceived weakness’?”
Maybe there was a bit of ice in my voice as I asked that but this complete stranger was about to tell me that missing half a leg wasn’t a weakness?
Erik didn’t seem to notice how cold my voice had gone. He gestured to me to stand and I considered refusing, just to be difficult, before deciding that it would be childish.
So I stood and looked down at him.
In any other circumstance, I might have felt I was in control. After all, I was bigger. However, I’d felt the strength in Erik’s hands and forearms. Not to mention, I was nearly naked with only a pair of shorts on. Now I thought about it, he probably hadn’t needed me to take my t-shirt off.
I felt even more exposed as I realised that.
It might even have been what allowed him to see the way my muscles apparently moved in my back, all wrong.
And then Erik put his warm hands on my hips and pulled me forward slightly. I nearly tipped straight into his arms but his hands were strong and kept me where he wanted me.
Which, apparently, wasnotin his arms.
Before I could say anything, like ask him what the hell he was playing at, Erik slid those soft, warm hands around my waist and ran them down my sides and over my back.
My body wasn’t sure what was happening because it felt amazing, and Sonny might be the love of my life but Erik was sure pretty and he was touching me…
I hadn’t been touched like that in so long.
“I thought so,” said Erik.
He looked up at me, meeting my eye, and I felt my eyes go wide with panic. Every muscle tensed as I wondered if I’d said that out loud.
Erik slid his hands off my waist and took a step back.
“Are you okay?”
“I— What did you say?”
“I said it’s as I thought. You’re leaning to the side. Only a little, but the muscles in your back are compensating for your posture and you’re going to strain them if you don’t correct it.”
