The Ties that Bind
Chase
A long, low rumble of thunder along with a weight on my chest brought me out of sleep. I blinked and let out a deep breath. A glance over at the clock told me it was nearly eight in the morning. Outside, beyond the sliding glass doors of my bedroom, the storm still continued but with much less intensity than it had yesterday.
I stared at the ceiling and wondered if the mess of debris outside would be as bad as the mess inside my head right now.
We’d spent the night seeing how sturdy some of my furniture was, pushing past limits and breaking down barriers between each other. When we’d finally grown sore and tired, we talked until we couldn’t speak. It had been the best night of my life with anyone and yet I lay here with a cloud of doubt trying to rain on my parade.
Eden’s warmth surrounded me and made me feel all sorts of things I told myself I’d never let myself feel for her again. It had to be just sex. She deserved better than a man like me who did nothing but hurt those that I loved or cared about on some level. I was a wrecking ball when it came to emotions.
Hell, my own father had told me that enough times, hadn’t he? After my mother died caused by complications from the flu, the doctors had said it was a rare situation with her lungs, and the pneumonia was just too much for her. That didn’t deter my father from telling me it was my fault since she’d gotten the flu from me.
Until the day he died, my father had told me I killed his wife. Never mind that we kids had lost our mother.
In high school, baseball had kept me busy and out of trouble for the most part. I’d worked my ass off to get a scholarship to anywhere that would take me away from the hell my home life had become. But in college, I started partying hard. A couple of times, I got close to losing my scholarship and getting my ass kicked off the team.
Then I’d met Eden. She’d come along and changed that all for me. I still celebrated victories with the guys, but they were much tamer versions because I always brought my girl with me. We’d been inseparable.
Until I’d done what I always do and fucked it up.
She’d needed me when her difficult mother had fallen ill after we’d graduated. And what had I done? I’d thought of only myself first, just like my father always said I did, and went to Los Angeles without her.
But the truth was, all I’d ever wanted was to be wherever Eden had been. I’d close my eyes and I was somewhere with her. The beach, her tiny off-campus apartment, baseball games, driving around singing to the radio. And yet I’d walked away. It hadn’t mattered that she’d agreed and said I should go. She’d wanted me to have that shot.
It was selfless of her. Just like what she was trying to do now with her business. And here I was—the bastard still too selfish to help her. All because I’d also fucked up a marriage I should have never entered into. And not only had someone gotten hurt, but someone had died. Just like my mother.
I ran a finger down the soft skin of her arm, pain heavy in my chest. There was no way I could start anything with Eden again. Ever. She made me feel things I had no business feeling for her or anyone. It would only spell disaster. Just like everything else good in my life.
Dramatic much, Hanover?
Fuck you.
Shit, these voices in my head had to go.
Eden’s hand moved across my stomach and her fingers flexed, her nails lightly scratching across my skin. “Good morning, handsome.”
Her voice was husky with sleep, and with her hand inching its way down south, I pushed all thoughts of emotions and the past deep down in the hole where I kept them.
“Morning, Sunflower.” Her nickname rolled off my tongue again, but this time it felt right, especially when I felt her smile against my chest. I looked down at the top of her head, fascinated by the different colors of blonde that swirled through her hair. “How did you sleep?”
She turned her head and perched her chin on my chest. “Better than I have in a long time. You?”
“Like a baby.” And it was true. I thought about it and was hit with a realization that both comforted me and scared the shit out of me. It had been a dreamless sleep, which for me was the most I could ask for.
Her smile was shy and fucking adorable. “Good, I’m glad.” The smile faltered just a bit, and she ran a fingertip along my chest. “What’s on your mind?”
Eyes that had a swirl of green and blue in them held me captive. God, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known. Inside and out. On the outside, all that honey-blonde hair and curves that should come with a warning could stop a man in his tracks.
On the inside, the woman was smart as a whip, compassionate, and a giver. She’d always been that way, and it didn’t surprise me that she’d had some level of success in event management, bad judgment calls notwithstanding. The guys that hired her to do their event didn’t hire just anybody to do something that important to them. I knew them personally.
That rare combo of beauty and brains was enough to knock me to my knees.
I wanted to be her hero, be the man that I wasn’t years ago. But that hollow, sick feeling in my stomach came back with the thought of going back and the paparazzi following me again. They’d made my life hell for far too long. Fear weighed me down and kept me broken.
Best to remember what this was all about. Have some fun with her while we were still stuck together. Just sex. It was just sex.
My hand slid down and cupped her ass under the sheet. “You.” I squeezed, and she let out a tiny squeak before it turned into a moan.
