He gave me a sideways glance. “Fit how?”
I propped myself up against the railing, crossing my arms. “I don’t know.” I stared down at my feet. “I feel like an outsider looking in.”
“Well, you’re not an outsider,” he said. “For one thing, you’re our cousin. And now, you’re Tess’s husband. So you’re double locked in.”
My heart skipped a beat like a middle school girl. “Yeah, but our marriage isn’t even real.”
He scoffed. “Looks pretty fuckin’ real if you ask me. You look at her the same way I look at Claire, and I couldn’t be more in love with her if I tried.”
I swallowed, my throat tight with the truth.
“You love her, don’t you? You wouldn’t have done any of this for them if you didn’t.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Yeah, I love her.” A heavy, shaky breath left me. “I love both of them.”
“Have you told her?”
I let out a humorless laugh. “No. Not unless you count me telling Luke I love him at three this morning to avoid telling him about sex.”
He chuckled. “No. That doesn’t count.” His hand came down on my shoulder. “My advice? Tell her.”
I looked up at him then, hoping he could see just how conflicted I was. “What if it ruins everything?” I knew Tess had feelings for me; she said so herself. But having feelings and being in love were twoverydifferent things. I didn’t want to make her feel suffocated or rushed into something she wasn’t ready for.
“The only way you’ll ruin it is by keepin’ your mouth shut. Women don’t like to be left guessing. They like gestures from the heart, big and small.” He glanced towards the door. “And that girl in there has had a shitty go of it lately. She deserves some happiness, and from what I saw at that wedding, she wants it with you.”
I glanced through the door, finding Tess laughing at something Savannah said. I wanted to make her laugh like that, make her laugh like that every day for the rest of our lives. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“I know I’m right, but what are you gonna do about it?”
I laughed. “I’ll think of something.”
He took a step to go inside, but stopped in front of me. “You’re not an outsider, Levi. Even if things don’t work out with her, which I know they will, you’ll still be a part of this family. Nothin’ will change that.”
“Thanks, Beau,” I rasped, my throat tight. I hadn’t realized I was waiting for someone to say that until he said it.
Maybe he was right. Maybe the only thing standing between me and the life I wanted with Tess and Luke, with all of them, really, was me. And maybe it was finally time to get out of my own way.
17
Tess
I pulled the bedding around me tighter, not ready to get up, but the smell of food was tempting me. Stomach growling, I reached out blindly next to me for Luke, but the sheets were cold. I looked over my shoulder to see that he was gone. A pang settled in my chest. This was the second morning in a row I’d woken up without him, and I didn’t know how to feel about it. Of course, I wanted him to gain his independence, but I also wanted him to stay my baby, to always need me. But I knew that wasn’t reality, no matter how much it hurt. The laughter that floated down the hall only reinforced that fact.
I followed the giggles that were now accompanied by Levi’s deeper, softer ones to the kitchen. The sound of his happiness wrapped around my heart like a tether, pulling me closer. But nothing could’ve prepared me for seeing Levi shirtless, helping Luke mix chocolate chips into purple pancake batter, both of them smiling ear to ear in the wrecked kitchen.
The temptation to sit at the counter and watch nearly took over, but I lingered in the hallway, leaning against the wall. They whispered quietly to one another; scheming, it looked like, given the way Luke snickered. Seeing him so comfortable with Levifilled me with hope, but it also made me worry. I brought my fingers to my mouth, biting my nails. Did Levi see this marriage lasting past Luke’s custody hearing in two weeks? Or would he want to end this even after what happened between us two days ago? I didn’t know, and I knew I needed to find out. Not just for my sake, but also Luke’s, now that he was growing attached.
But the idea of confronting Levi terrified me. With Jeremy, I wasn’t allowed to question things. I just had to go along with what he wanted, or there would be consequences. I knew Levi would never treat me like that, but it didn’t make the habit any easier to break.
“Mommy,” Luke groaned, hanging his head back, when he saw me. “You’re not sweeping.”
I chuckled, walking over to them. “Am I not allowed to wake up?”
Levi’s gaze ran over me, something in it charged when his eyes met mine. “Morning, sweetheart,” he said over the rim of his coffee mug.
The words danced along my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. My foot missed the rung on the barstool and I nearly fell to the ground. I laughed it off awkwardly, not missing Levi’s knowing chuckle. “Clumsy today.”
He set his coffee mug down, bracing his hand on the counter. I mapped the vein curving up his bicep with my eyes. The urge to trace it with my tongue had me crossing my legs. I’d never been so…horny, for lack of a better word. Not until now, until him. But Levi was hot. Hot in that ‘you didn’t see it coming’ kind of way, but once you noticed, there was no unseeing it. And I’d noticed it about two minutes into knowing him. Just like I was noticing him in all his shirtless glory now.
