The thought of Luke sitting alone in the dojo, looking around at all the kids and their dads, wondering where his was, only to find out he wasn’t there because he beat his mother so she got a restraining order,crushedme.
My chest tightened with that crushing feeling, each breath harder than the last.
Anna’s eyes darted all over me. “Do you want me to call someone?”
I braced a hand against the truck, leaning over. “No.” I sucked in deep breaths through my nose, blowing them out of my mouth. There was no one to call anyway. I had no one. No one special in my life to turn to and call in emergencies. Just my siblings, but what would happen when they had lives andfamilies of their own? Savannah just got engaged, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Claire got married within a year. I couldn’t keep expecting them to take care of me. I didn’t want them to. I wanted my own person. Someone just for Luke and me. After everything we’d been through, we deserved a piece of happiness, too.
“You know, one of the guys will happily do it. Weston would love this.”
“I don’t want Weston to do it!” I snapped, and she flinched. More guilt. “I want my son to have a normal family,” my voice cracked on the words. “He’s going to be devastated when he has no one there for him.” A rough, broken sob left me, and I buried my face in my hands.
Anna held me tight. “That’s not true. Luke has so many uncles that he has his pick of who he wants to come for Dad’s Night, and that’s a blessing. There are so many people who love him. And you, too. Don’t let Jeremy take that away from you.”
I nodded, knowing she was right. I sounded ungrateful, but I just wanted Luke to have what I grew up with: two parents who loved each other to the ends of the earth, who would do anything for each other.
And I didn’t know if he ever would.
I couldn’t stop thinkingabout what happened at the dojo earlier while I stood in the shower, the warm water like ice on my skin. My heart ached with longing for a future I didn’t know we’d ever have. I pictured Luke there on Dad’s Night, sad and alone, looking around for Jeremy, and I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all.
I forced my face under the water, hoping it’d distract me, but my mind stayed planted in that nightmare. I had to find someone to go with him. I knew Emmett would, but I didn’twant to keep making him Luke’s surrogate father; it wasn’t fair to either one of them.
Maybe I could ask Levi. Luke adored him more than any of the other guys. Just the thought lifted my spirits, and I decided I’d ask him in the morning if I didn’t chicken out. I bet he’d say yes.
And it’d mean seeing him in workout clothes again. The suits were nice, wonderful, even, but seeing him in a t-shirt stretched across his broad chest, the sleeves tight from his arms…
The water heated up a bit, or maybe that was just my skin.
I turned under the stream, letting out a shaky breath. Flashes of Levi played through my mind like a highlight reel: him holding me at the Bull Pen, his hand in mine at Brittany and Colt’s wedding, his voice on the phone earlier. My blood roared in my ears at the memory of when we got ice cream last week, and the way he licked it and hummed with contentment. My eyes fluttered shut, my breathing shallow as my mind wandered and placed him here. And instead of licking ice cream, he was down on his knees, his face buried between my thighs while he licked me. Something Jeremy had always refused to do.
I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. I shouldn’t be thinking of him like this. He was my lawyer. We were friends.
But I couldn’t stop.
It was safe to assume Levi was a giver in bed, given how kind he was. The thought made me sway on my feet. Would he be soft and gentle? Or would he be lust-crazed and rough? A side of him he kept under wraps, only for one special person to see.
My thighs pressed together, trying to soothe the ache I felt. I wanted to be that special person for him. I wanted it more than anything.
My heart pounded beneath my hand as it slid across my heaving chest, picturing him here, touching me instead. My back met the cool tile, moaning as I pinched one of my nipples, myother hand slipping between my legs. I gasped, inhaling steam, when my fingers brushed against my clit, imagining it was Levi’s hand instead of mine. His hands were bigger, stronger, perfect.
I propped a foot on the edge of the tub, spreading myself wider. A tiny whimper left me, pleasure rippling through me. My head fell back against the wall, picturing Levi towering over me, his hair dripping, eyes dark with desire, a pleased smirk on his face at how desperate I was for him. God, I bet he looked sexy with his hair wet.
My hand moved faster, his voice from our phone call earlier ringing through my head.I’m so proud of you, he’d said. The words played in my mind again, picturing the way he’d groan it as he filled me for the first time, proud of how well I took it. And I would, I’d make it perfect for him. Just as good as I know he’d make it for me. The stretch would be tight, but so exquisite it’d send me up onto my toes. I tried to mimic it with my fingers, but knew nothing would be able to compare to the way I imagined he felt.
I pumped my fingers the way I wanted him to move, forceful and deep. Moving with the kind of power that stole my breath and made me see stars. His groan would bounce off the tile, something low and deep and purely man.
I bit my lip, careful to stay quiet when I picked up the pace, the heel of my palm harsh against my clit. Pleasure pulled tightly low in my belly, my jaw dropping with gasping breaths. I imagined Levi’s lips brushing against mine, soft but hungry, giving in to the same desperation I felt. I wanted it so badly I could feel the slow drag of his tongue against mine, teasing me until I was desperate.
I slapped a hand over my mouth, moaning his name into my hand as I came. My hand slid off my mouth, my breathing ragged. I slid down the tile until I hit the shower floor, my legs trembling.
“What did I just do?” I whispered, knowing I’d just started something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop.
10
Levi
“You look like you’re plannin’ to jump off a bridge,” Louise said, standing at my table with a hand on her hip. “What’s wrong?”
Water shot back into my windpipe. “Jesus Christ,” I sputtered, coughing. I set my glass down and looked up at her, stunned. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”
