Truce let us inside the room, and I was in complete awe of its opulence and beauty. It reminded me of a studio apartment, only a bit bigger with a balcony.
“I have someone coming to drop off food tomorrow. For now, I can order you room service. Anything you like in particular?”
“I'm not hungry. I can’t even think, let alone eat anything. I’m freaking scared to death.”
“I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be anymore. I’m going to help you get to a place where you’ll never be afraid again.”
“He’s your brother, Truce. Why are you doing all of this for someone you barely even know?”
“He may be my brother, but that doesn’t make it right what he’s doing to you. You already know a little of the history behind what his father did to our mother?—”
“Which is crazy because I told her what her son was doing to me, and she never offered a solution. Just told me things will get better and to not do anything to make him upset.”
“My mother said that?”
“Yes!”
Truce stared at me for a second, then nodded. “I’m in room 1312 if you need me.”
“Wait. You’re not staying in here with me?”
“You need your own space and time to think, love. I’m only two doors down if you need me.”
He walked over to Scottie, who I had put on the bed, and kissed her cheek. He then turned to me and opened his arms. I was skeptical at first, but I remembered him saying that he gave the best hugs. I could truly use one in this moment.
I walked into his arms, and they swallowed my small frame. I had lost a lot of weight since giving birth to Scottie, but I was still toned because I danced. As much as I felt like this was the beginning of my demise, I still needed this.
“You’re more than a conqueror. You are strong, and you’re doing the right thing… for yourself and for Scottlyn. While you sit here and meditate, I want you to always remember that fear is only a state of mind. The enemy can’t touch what you don’t fear.” He kissed my forehead, then left the room. I was left to stew on his words of wisdom.
My eyes scanned the room, and I sucked in a long breath, closed my eyes, and then released it. No matter what happened after this, I will always remember that I indeed did the right thing. Damien may have loved his daughter, but the love I thought he had for me had since dwindled. He killed our baby and had not an ounce of remorse about it. If that wasn’t a clear indication to get the fuck on, I didn’t know what else I would have to do to make myself believe that his love wasn’t strong enough for me to stay.
While Scottlyn slept, I took a long shower and put on my pajamas before I got her together. I didn’t want to bathe her in the hotel’s bathtub, even though it was in pristine condition, so I put her in the sink that was big enough for her chunky self. While she splashed water everywhere, I smiled down at her and kissed her cheeks.
“Mommy loves you so much, Scottie Pie. I promise to do all I can to make sure you live your best life.” I knew she didn’t understand what I was saying to her, but I promised to give her the best love she’d ever know. I wanted to love her like my mom loved me. There were no limits to her love, and I think it was because we lost my dad. She was so strong during the year of his passing that I had to wonder if she even grieved him enough.
When I made the decision to leave home with Damien, even after she continuously asked me not to, she still wished me well. She told me to call her if I ever needed anything.
That never happened.
That was the last time I was able to speak with my mother, and it killed me almost every day not to hear her voice or laughter. Not being able to laugh at my sister’s jokes anymore murdered me too. I know they were going crazy not knowing where I was and not being able to see Scottlyn through her first milestones.
Before I could stop myself, tears were flowing down my face as I let the water out of the sink and wrapped a towel around my baby, holding her tight to my chest. When I sat down on the bed, she planted her little chubby legs on my thighs and began to bounce jovially. Those four and a half teeth flashed, and herlaughter filled the room, which brought me out of my sadness as I joined her.
“Jump, jump, jump!” I hyped, helping her bounce on my legs. Loving on her was exactly what I needed to get me out of the funk I was in.
My baby gave me life.
After she was lotioned and powdered, I put on her diaper and pajamas. I combed her hair and then fed her some baby food with apple juice. I took out her learning LeapFrog and sat on the bed so we could learn the different animals and their sounds.
Not even three minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I froze and placed my hand over Scottie’s mouth to silence her while using my other hand to turn off the LeapFrog. The knocks continued before I heard Truce’s voice come through.
“Jela, it’s me. Open up.” I stood with Scottie in my arms and looked out the peephole to make sure it was just him. I opened the door, and he had takeout bags in his hands. “I brought food and some cards.”
“I told you I couldn’t eat.”
“Well… I want you to try for me.”
Scottlyn started reaching for him and I handed her over.
