“I have car seats already, Penny.”
“You do? Where did you get them? I don’t have extras.” She appears confused but grabs a couple of bags from her back seat that I take from her.
“This SUV has had car seats since the day I bought it. Call it planning ahead.”
My joke falls flat, though, and we get busy buckling the girls into their seats. I turn on the ignition and press a few buttons to stream the movieTrollsfor Lia, then turn around and hand her a set of headphones.
The little girl’s entire face lights up as she pulls them over her ears. When I’m confident she’s settled, I turn back to a frightened-looking Penny.
I can’t keep the boundaries between us. Not right now. Reaching over, I take her hand in mine. My thumb rubs gently over the soft skin between her thumb and forefinger.
“Dillon,” she chokes out. “You’re scaring me. Is it Miller? What’s going on?”
“No,” I say quickly. “It’s not Miller. He’s on his way to pick up the kids. We’ll meet them at home.”
She drags in a shaky breath that causes my eyes to grow hot, like I’m staring directly into the sun.
“There was an accident,” I finally say. “Eddy and Aster.”
Her entire body freezes. I can’t even be sure she’s breathing until she speaks. “What happened?”
Penny’s eyes glaze over, and her chest rises and falls too quickly as I relay Miller’s message. Fear, anger, and pure, unadulterated pain filter across her features in the few minutes it takes me to recite this terrible tale.
I hate hurting her like this, but watching her emotions play out, I know I’m the only one who could do it. She’s mine, and right now she needs me.
She spins in her seat to stare at the two little angels, happy and safe in my backseat. When Lia notices us watching her, she waves with two hands and a giant smile.
Penny’s hands fly up to her mouth to cover her choked sob.
“I have to keep them, Dillon. I don’t know how I’ll manage, but I have to. They can’t go into the system. They’re my boys’ sisters. What am I going to do? Oh, God. Kai. Kai. Any of these kids could have been in that car. What if…”
I grab the back of her head and pull her close enough to rest my forehead against hers. I breathe in and out slowly until she matches my rhythm.
“But they weren’t, Penny. They weren’t because you were taking care of them. They’re okay because they have you. They have us. It’s going to be fucking brutal, but we’ll figure it out.”
Her shoulders shake as the weight of this horrific situation hits her.
“We have to head home. What do you need?” I ask, silently praying she says she needs me. She doesn’t, though.
“There’s no handbook for this kind of thing. I— I’ll need to have different conversations with each of them, I think.” Her eyes scan back and forth, but I have no idea what she’s searching for. It’s like her eyes move with each thought she has, and my heart aches knowing I can’t fix this for her.
“Kai will need more details than Gage, and Landon is too smart not to piece things together, but he’s still only eleven.” She rubs a hand under her nose, so I dig around in the compartment on the driver’s side door and pull out some napkins.
She takes them and turns to rest her head against the window.
I put the SUV in gear and start driving home. It’s a short drive that we make in silence. When we arrive, Miller’s already inside.
Penny grabs the door handle, but I place a heavy hand on her thigh to hold her in place. “You’re not alone. Remember that, okay? You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Miller and I are here for you all. Go inside. I’ll get the girls and meet you in there.”
She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin. When her lips tremble, she presses them into a thin line. With one rough swipe under her eyes, she blinks away any remnants of tears and slowly makes her way up the steps and into her home.
* * *
A loud crashsounds from overhead that has Miller and me on our feet, but neither of us attempts to go to them. Kai has been yelling and screaming for over an hour about everything and nothing, but Penny’s voice has remained calm and steady as she talks him through it.
Her strength might be my undoing.
Everything in my soul is begging me to race up those stairs and take this burden from her. To fix it. Fix everything. But I can’t. Not yet. I’ve never felt so goddamned helpless as I do right now.
