I can’t forget how it felt to be so close to James, to feel his hands on my body, to feel his breath against my ear. In that night, nothing existed but the two of us, and I catch myself thinking about it at the most impossible moments, wishing I could turn time back to that exact moment.
Sitting at the kitchen table, having breakfast with my family, I can’t help thinking back to our morning, the delicious fresh bread, and James’s intimate smile as he passed me the jam.
Whenever I try to focus on A-level studying, I can’t help remembering the flat that James showed me and the night we lay side by side in bed, planning how to decorate it if the sale went through.
And whenever I try to fall asleep at night, I can’t help remembering his voice, whispering hoarsely and breathlessly in my ear,James telling me how much he loves me and that he’s never been this happy in his whole life.
“Earth to Ruby,” says Lin.
Guiltily, I turn to look at her. “Sorry, what was that? I was miles away.”
Lin gives me a sideways glance. “I noticed. Is everything OK?”
I feel the warmth spreading through my cheeks and nod hastily. “Yeah. What were you saying?”
“I was just saying that your bag looks like it’s about to burst at the seams.” Lin points to the James, which is hanging at my side. It’s the first day I’ve taken it to school again, and I’ve got so much in it that I’m worried the strap won’t hold.
I shift it cautiously on my shoulder. “I know, but James said this morning that it’ll cope, so I’m hoping for the best.”
“If James says so, it must be true.” Lin opens the library door and holds it for me to walk in.
“Do you also get the feeling you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown from stress?” I ask her as we walk past the bookshelves toward the group meeting room. Just thinking about A levels being right around the corner, and all the things that the committee still has to organize for the last two events of the year, I’m filled with a panic that even my very favorite ASMR videos can’t calm. And the pressure is only growing the closer we get to the end of term.
“Oh, I had a breakdown ages ago,” Lin replies. “And I really have no idea how I’m going to be able to make Lydia a present by Saturday.”
“I told you we can give her a joint present.”
She shakes her head. “No, that wouldn’t be right. You’repractically her sister-in-law, and I’m not that close a friend. But thanks for the offer.”
I exhale a long breath out. “Well, just let me know if I can help with anything.”
That just makes Lin laugh. “You were just telling me that your head’s about to explode, and now you’re offering me help. That’s so you, Ruby.”
“So me?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Oh come on, you know what I mean. Trying to do too much and then moaning about it once it’s too late.”
I stick my tongue out at her.
“But we’re planning the guessing game together, right?” I ask.
She nods. “Did we want to get on with the baby-food jars now, or the cards, or both?”
“Both. Then there’ll be a bit of variety. Mum’s got tons of craft stuff at home, so we won’t have to buy anything.”
“Have you had the photos from Lydia’s aunt yet? And has she told you the theme? Is there even a theme?” Lin asks.
I shake my head. “Better not to ask. According to Lydia, Ophelia’s gone a bit crazy. She’s buying anything she can get her hands on so long as it’s brightly colored. So Lydia thinks that’ll be the theme.”
“Bright colors?” Lin asks, giving me a dubious side-eye. “That’s not a theme.”
“I know,” I reply. “But apparently it is for Ophelia.”
“OK, then we’ll have to…” Lin falls silent and stops dead. I look at her with a frown, then follow her gaze.
Standing outside the events committee room is Cyril.
For the first time in weeks, he doesn’t look like he’s tumbledstraight out of some wild party and into school. His uniform has been ironed, his tie is straight, and he’s styled his hair. The shadows under his eyes are less dark, and he seems to have shaved. He looks almost back to normal.
