What if he’s come here? Just the thought makes me grit my teeth and clench my hand into a fist. I walk slowly down the stairs. But when I get to the bottom and see who’s standing in the doorway, my heart skips a beat.
It’s not Cyril.
It’s Graham.
10
Alistair
It’s Friday again and another shitshow at training.
Yet again, James, Wren, and Cyril fail to show up, so the team is pissed off and the coach is livid. He makes us run so many extra laps of the field that by the end of it, I can’t feel my legs and I’m at the point of throwing up. I’m longing to go home, fall into bed, and forget this entire fucking week.
But then Roger Cree asks who’s coming down to the Black Fox for a beer, and I don’t want to spend another evening alone, so I tag along.
This school year was meant to be the best of our lives for me and the boys. Now, I just give a weary smile at the youthful naïveté we showed last summer. Absolutely everything has changed since then. Wren and his family have moved house, and he can hardly meet our eyes. Cyril hasn’t been in school for a week. James is tying himself in knots trying to please both Ruby and his dad.
And as for me, I let my best mate break my heart, and now I have to deal with it.
Obviously, Kesh came down to the pub with the rest of theteam. He’s over on the other side of the room, standing at a dark wooden table with our reserve goalie. I wish I could just ignore him, but every time I look up from the beer in my hand, he’s watching me with his dark eyes. Like he hasn’t glanced away once all evening.
I can’t stop thinking about our past. I can feel Kesh’s fingers, his skin, his lips; feel his voice in my ear, whispering sweet nothings as I caress him with my hands.
I’m on my fourth pint already, which isn’t exactly helping me to suppress those thoughts.
Anytime I think I’m over the memories of our time together, a single glance from Kesh is enough to bring it all back, full force. I don’t know how long this is going to go on. Especially not if we keep trying to make things work as friends.
I just can’t get away from him. However hard I try. And least of all when he’s looking at me over his pint glass like that.
“What the fuck is up with James and the rest of you lot right now?” Roger asks me out of the blue, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I answer vaguely.
He puts his glass down on the table in front of me. “I’m starting to get the feeling you’re deliberately trying to sabotage this team.”
I frown at him. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Beaufort barely shows his face at training these days because he’d rather hang around with the events committee, and it feels like weeks since Fitz and Vega graced us with their presence. And don’t get me started on how out of shape you’ve got. You know how crap you’re playing lately.”
Beer in hand, I freeze. I’d love to throw it in Cree’s face. “What do you know about it?” I snap. “If James hadn’t got himselfbanned last term, you wouldn’t even be on the team. You have no fucking clue what’s going on with my friends right now, so watch what you say about them.”
Cree just snorts. “I’d have got on the team either way. Face it: Everyone has their private shit to deal with. That’s no excuse to keep skipping training. You guys think too much of yourselves when you’re no more than spoiled brats with too much time and money on your hands.”
I stand up so abruptly that the chair tips over backward. I take a step toward Roger, and I’m about to grab him by the collar when someone holds me back by the shoulder.
I don’t need to turn around to know who it is. Even if I hadn’t recognized his gentle yet firm touch, I’d have known Kesh by his unmistakable scent. I love the smell of Kesh. So much that I sometimes pretend I’ve forgotten my deodorant just so that I can borrow his.
“Leave it, Alistair,” his quiet voice says behind me.
I shake off his hand but don’t stop glaring at Cree. “Take that back.”
He laughs humorlessly. “Beaufort gets to party for days but can’t drag himself down to training. What kind of captain leaves his team in the lurch like that?”
“You’ve been around less than a year, yet you think you get to bad-mouth James? You have no idea what the team owes him. Without him, we’d never be where we are now.”
I’ve raised my voice so much that everyone around us stops talking and starts to watch us curiously. Not that I care. What Cree said has really wound me up. And I grow angrier still when Kesh touches my shoulder a second time.
I whirl around. “Don’t touch me,” I growl.
