“I’m sorry, Hanna,” he snapped. “I really am. I’m sorry I’m so fucking predictable. But I’m not going to bother explaining myself if you’re just gonna keep hating me anyway. And for the record, I really don’t want to die with you hating me.”
“I… I already told you. I could never hate you.”
“But you’re mad at me. You’ve been mad at me since, when? Since the night I bonded with Valmordion?”
She smeared her nose on the back of her hand. “Yup. That sounds about right.”
“Why?Tell me, and I’ll fix it.”
“I’m not sure you can fix it,” she murmured. “It’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault. I’m just… not very good at being a person, I think.”
“Tell me anyway. Let me try.”
“All right.” Her voice cracked. She cried. “But you can’t look at me when I tell you. You can’t.”
Domenic slid down beside her. He fixed his gaze on his own trash bin. “I won’t.”
“I really believed you back when we were kids, when you promised there was some greatness in store for us. You were so sure, you made it hard not to get my hopes up. And well, we were so powerful, weren’t we? Even then.” Her laugh was weak and wet. “And after it wasmewho had to save us from Syarthis that day, I was still stuck hoping for that great future you talked about. I waited for you to get better. I encouraged you. I hid everything about my job from you because I was so scared of upsetting you. And shit, I was mad at you then, too. Because I was killing myself trying to prove to everyone that I wasn’t going to… toexplode. And you were just…”
“Pathetic,” he finished for her hoarsely.
She didn’t disagree. “And when it wasyouwho bonded with Valmordion… well, I thought we were all fucked. Then Peak couldn’t shut up about you stopping that scurge in Oldermere. And suddenly, you’ve slayed one of the Dire Three. You’re yelling at Sharpe, something I’ve sure as hell never managed to do. You’re some whole new, capable person! And every time I heard a reporter call you a hero, I could’ve thrown up.”
Domenic thought he was about to. “I’m so sorry, Hanna. I—”
“No. Don’t apologize,” she choked. “I’m not done.”
Again, he obeyed, but it was getting harder not to look at her. His vision swam.
“I knew you were supposed to die, obviously. Iseul and Peak, they wanted to tell you. Glynn sure wanted to tell Ellery. But I told Sharpe you couldn’t know. That you couldn’t handle it.”
Domenic held his breath so she wouldn’t hear how hard she’d struck him.
“I meant it. But I also thought maybe, if I tried hard enough, Syarthis and I could find a way to save you. And I-I’ve triedsohard. I’ve watched all the past Chosen Ones burn in Syarthis’s Archives so many times that sometimes when I look at you, I just see…” She sobbed.
He couldn’t play along anymore. He grabbed her and pulled her against him. She was comically small in his arms, and feverishly warm compared to the cold press of the pavement.
“It’s okay, Hanna. You don’t need to save me.”
“I willalwaysbe trying to save you.”
Overhead, the icicles weeped, droplets splattering on their cheeks.
He pressed his forehead to the top of her hair. “You were right to be mad at me. I should’ve at least asked what it was like to wield Syarthis, no matter how ashamed I was that it was you who had to. I should’ve been better for you first. But do you know what kept me in the vigil chamber when Glynn told us all we could leave?”
She uttered some incomprehensible noise against his chest.
“You. The Danmere Duo. That I’d promised you I’d be someone worth hoping for.” Domenic floundered for the right words. “I mean, all of Alderland needs me to play a hero. And fuck, that’s not me. But from that first press conference, whenever I thought of a real hero I could pretend to be, someone who actually inspired me to be brave, I immediately thought of you.”
Hanna shoved him away. “Ugh.You’re so sentimental. It’s disgusting.”
Domenic laughed. “Yeah, well, you could’ve worn a fresher shirt.”
She made a rude gesture, which only made him laugh harder. Then she scooted around to face him and leaned her head against the brick wall. “I think if I wasn’t so determined to resent you, I would’ve seen it years ago. That you didn’t bond with Syarthis because you really were destined for something else. Havingnow spent a thousand hours with your predecessors, I’m pretty sure you and I didn’t find Valmordion thawing that night in the Vault. I think itstartedthawing that night, like it sensed you near it.” Domenic blinked—he’d never considered that. “Also, you were a weird kid.”
“Yeah, I was.”
“Kind of a bummer to admit that my destiny is now Sy’s, though. What? Don’t look so creeped out. I don’t get a nickname for my wand?”
