Matt sends a GIF of someone fist-pumping the air, and Megan replies instantly with about a hundred excited emojis mixed with party-themed ones.
I chuckle softly.
Matt
So when’s the bachelor party? I vote Vegas. And I’m your best man, right?
Kevin finally makes an appearance.
Kevin
He has two brothers, bro. Why would you be best man?
Jeff
But I’m the only REAL brother, so obviously that position goes to me. It’s like royal succession.
Matt
I believe marriage disqualifies you from succession. It naturally falls to the next eligible bachelor. AKA Moi.
Megan
Eligible bachelor my ass. Hahahahahaha.
I wanna go to Vegas. What do I have to do to get in on this? I’ll shove a rubber dick in my pants for a bro weekend. This mom needs a fucking vacation.
Kevin
Jesus, Megan. Have a girls weekend or go to brunch. No need to be stuffing your pants with dicks.
Matt
Yeah, I won’t recover from that image… ever.
Megan
Why are you texting me, Kev? I’m literally in the next room.
Kevin
Needed everyone to know I do not approve of you stuffing dicks in your pants… unless it’s mine.
Jeff
Good God. I’ve gotta get ready for work. Congrats baby bro, happy for you both. Give Alley a hug from us.
Thanks, Jeff, I will. Matt—I just proposed last night. Can we talk about Vegas later? No best man. I love you all equally. Megan—there are no words. But if you need a vacation, why don’t you go to Chicago with Alley next week for her brother’s birthday?
Megan
Kev, can I go to Chicago next week? I’ll suck your dick.
Kevin
Your mom watching the kids? And gonna have to be more than once for me to say yes.
Megan
