No! Don’t be ridiculous, Lucas. There’s no going back. Time has passed and you’ve both changed.
‘Is she?’ Lucas asked, trying to keep his voice calm. Was his father correct or was this one of those moments of confusion when he was talking about someone else entirely?
‘Think so. She has children though … teenagers they are. Twins!’ His father stabbed the air with a finger like he’d just had a eureka moment.
Lucas inclined his head. That did sound familiar. Of course it did. Who was he trying to kid? He’d known that but tried to push it away. So, Thora had two children, and he had none. She was probably a wonderful mother who put her children first. What kind of idiot had she married that had let her go? What kind of man let a woman like Thora go after she’d had his twins?
You let her go…
‘Do you know them then?’ Lucas asked, while keeping his gaze on his coffee.
‘See them around from time to time. Seem all right as far as teenagers go.’ His father shrugged. ‘Not the type to cause trouble. Funny thing is though … they could have been yours!’ A coarse laugh followed this statement, and Lucas bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from snapping. Bluntness was something he remembered well about his father, and it was always hard not to react to it. But he had to try because what was the point in rising to it when he suspected his father didn’t mean it the way it sounded? If the intent was malicious, that was one thing, but he doubted it was now.
‘I guess they could…’ He let the response hang in the air and turned his attention to the window. Outside, the sky was grey, and the wind shook the trees and plants, made the fairy lights swing, but the garden was still beautiful. Leaves carpetedthe ground, the bare branches of trees reached up to the sky as if trying to touch the clouds, and everything seemed shut down for winter in a way that he could understand. He’d been good at shutting himself down too, but whenever he returned to Porthpenny, it was harder to do. Ageing seemed to be exacerbating the challenge. Was that how things worked, then? He’d get to a point where he could no longer stay closed off to his past and where he’d have to face up to it before he could move on?
He turned back to the room just as the kitchen door opened and thereshewas. His past. Beautiful and warm, vulnerable and kind. The woman he’d once loved with all his heart and, if he was being completely honest with himself … the woman he possibly still loved.
Still?
Seeing her again had just confirmed that for him. How it was possible to love someone you hadn’t seen in ages and who’d been through a lifetime of experiences since you were together, he wasn’t sure. But the emotion was there, embedded deep in his being, and it hadn’t ever gone away. Thora was the one who had always owned his heart, and he had never been able to fully let her go.
‘I’m sure she won’t bite if you want to speak to her again,’ his father said without looking up from his phone.
Lucas drained his coffee and stood up. It was true. Thora wouldn’t bite and he had to speak to her again just to check she was OK after dropping the tray. Just to check how she responded to him now, because only then would he know if there was any chance of getting to know her all over again…
5
THORA
Emerging from the kitchen like a tortoise from its shell, Thora clasped her hands together in front of her, digging the short nails into her palms. She felt like turning around and going back into the kitchen, but she was a grown woman, and she couldn’t hide away all day.
‘How’re you doing?’ Ellie asked from the corner of her mouth as she dusted the surface of a cappuccino with chocolate.
‘I’m OK.’ Thora pushed her shoulders back and lifted her chin. She was forty-one years old and so she should act like it. She’d been married and divorced and had teenaged twins, for crying out loud.Time to get a grip!‘I just had a bit of a shock, but I’m OK now.’
‘Good.’ Ellie touched her arm. ‘I’m here if you need me.’
‘I’ll be fine serving now. You finish baking or Pearl will want to know what we’ve been up to while she was away.’
Ellie laughed as she set the cappuccino on a tray. ‘Won’t she just? I’ll take these over to the customers and I’ll get back to thekitchen. But if you feel you can’t cope out here alone, just call me.’
‘Thank you.’
Thora grabbed a cloth and wiped down the counter while Ellie served the drinks, then went through to the kitchen. She tried not to look over athim, but her eyes wandered around the café and found their way to Lucas again and again, as if drawn by his magnetism.
And now he was staring right at her!
She looked down, her cheeks flaming, and busied herself with tidying things on the counter. He’d looked like he was about to get up and come over to her, and she had no idea what to say.
When she looked up again, despite trying not to, he was on his feet approaching the counter. Slowly. So slowly it was like he was in slow motion in a movie and her heart beat so hard she felt sure it would leap from her mouth at any moment. But she couldn’t look away. Not now. Now that he was approaching her.
‘Thora,’ he said, and tingles caressed her skin like a gentle summer breeze. ‘Are you all right?’
‘What?’ The question snapped out like an elastic band on tender skin. ‘Sorry … I meant… Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘Because I knocked the tray you were carrying and made a mess. I really am sorry about that.’ His blue eyes scanned her face, and she was held captive by them, mesmerised by how familiar they were and yet how changed. They were no longer the eyes of a boy but of a man and there was a hardness in them that hadn’t been there before. In his youth, Lucas had been so open and enthusiastic, so happy about life and the future. But nowhe looked like he’d met the future and it hadn’t been what he’d expected it to be.
‘It’s fine.’ She waved a hand dismissively. ‘Happens all the time.’
