‘You’re probably right,’ she agreed.
‘I have a few other ideas, but I need to flesh them out first.’
‘OK, well when you’re ready, I’m happy to hear them.’
‘Fabulous!’ Finn closed his notepad and placed the pen on top of it, then he sat back and crossed his legs. ‘So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?’
‘Nothing’s wrong with me.’
‘You look like someone put reindeer poop in your cereal, Thora. I know you too well for you to lie to me, remember?’
Thora sighed and wrapped her hands around her mug of tea. She’d been sipping it slowly, but now she felt like downing it to avoid telling Finn what was on her mind. However, she feared she would drive herself mad if she didn’t share what was going on inside.
‘I … I kissed him.’
‘Who?’ Finn’s eyes widened, and he sat forwards, placed a hand on her knee.
‘Who do you think? I don’t make a habit of throwing myself at locals, you know!’
‘I know that, but the shock made me say it reflexively. You mean you kissed the gorgeous Lucas?’
She nodded, shame making her cheeks burn.
‘Well hello there, Thora! Now come on, tell me how it happened. I’m desperate to know more.’ Finn was grinning at her and she felt like throwing her tea into his face. He had it all figured out, and she was, it seemed, now a train wreck and all because her first love had come back to the village.
‘You know how things were when we were younger?’
‘You and Lucas were love’s young dream. Everyone in school and college wanted to be like you two. Well, I did anyway, and then I got to marry you, so I kind of won in that respect, but then I turned out to be gay … Well, I was always gay, but I hadn’t really admitted it to myself. Not fully anyway because of the bisexual thing. However, I wasn’t sure if it was you or Lucas that I fancied when we were all at college and so?—’
Thora slapped a hand to her forehead and sighed. ‘Focus, Finn.’
‘Sorry!’ He shook his head. ‘Carry on.’ He waved a hand in a forwards motion.
‘Lucas and I were crazy about each other and then things went wrong, but it was partly because of me and partly because of him. Neither of us was more to blame, but we were both so stubborn and immature and … downright stupid. Anyway, we messed up, but I’m glad we did because otherwise I wouldn’t be a mumto the twins and you and I had some good times over the years. Plus, we’re best friends and I wouldn’t throw that away for anything. But … this whole situation is complicated because every time I see him, I feel like I’m eighteen again. He just gets to me in here.’ She thumped a hand on her chest, and Finn took her hand and kissed the fist. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘Tell me how you ended up kissing!’ Finn said.
‘Oh … yes… He came here a few nights ago as I was closing up and helped me and then, we were in the kitchen and suddenly it was like something took over and we were hugging and kissing and he… I just had this overwhelming rush of feelings.’
‘Lust?’ Finn’s eyes were wide.
‘Yes.’ Thora grimaced. ‘What is wrong with me?’
‘Darling, you’re a passionate woman. You’re beautiful, fiery, emotional and you’re entitled to feel lust, you know. It’s been a while for you as well since you … you know.’
‘But I’m over forty.’ She sagged in her seat and Barry shifted position so he was on his back, his legs in the air.
‘What’s that got to do with it?’
‘Look at me, Finn. I’ve had two babies. At the same time! My body is stretched and soft and I have cellulite and broken veins and hair sprouting from places I can’t even reach, anymore. I’m not like I was back then…’ Her voice came out as a whine and Finn looked at her, then burst out laughing.
‘No, you’re not and thank dog for that!’ He looked down at Barry. ‘Isn’t that right, Barry? Thank dog for that.’
‘But back then, I was firm and blemish free. I didn’t have thread veins or cellulite or a soft pouch of a belly that hangs over my knickers like the top of a muffin.’
Finn was shaking his head. ‘The problem is, Thora, you’re focusing on the wrong things. You are truly beautiful. Your body has carried two incredible children. You grew them inside you and nurtured them with your body. You carried them almost to term, so yes, your stomach got stretched and yes, you have stretch marks and cellulite, but what of it? Skin changes all the time, but yours shows what you’ve done as a woman and as a mum. The thread veins are cool because they appeared when you were carrying so much blood in your body because of the pregnancy. They’re evidence of what an amazing job your body did. The stretch marks too. And as for cellulite, all women have it to some degree. Your body is not the toned one you had yearsago, but it’s even better. You were a girl then but now you’re a woman.’
‘I can’t imagine taking my clothes off in front of another man.’
