‘I don’t know, Thora. I don’t want that to be true, but all we can do is see how things go.’
She stepped closer, and he hugged her as a deep sadness enveloped him. He’d dreamt of holding her close so many times, of banishing the deep loneliness that hovered at his edges like dark clouds, threatening to swallow him whole. Only her presence in his life had kept those clouds at bay, and after losing her, he had to find other ways to fight the darkness. But now he had the chance to find joy again with the only woman he had ever loved, but what she was saying made sense. Maybe they were too far along the road to fix things. Or maybe things couldn’t be fixed, but they could possibly start all over again. Like new people coming together for the first time.
He held her tight, buried his face in her hat and breathed her in.
Whatever came of this, they would always know that they cared about each other and that they’d both wished things had worked out the first time. The question now was, could they make this work again? Or would they go their separate ways in the new year?
Lucas pushed those thoughts away and focused on being right here, right now, holding Thora in his arms. The beautiful woman he’d once entrusted with his heart.
He wanted to believe he could do so again.
16
THORA
Sitting in the café with Finn a few days later, Thora found her gaze drifting to the window. The gardens were beautiful throughout the year but now, in December, they were a different kind of beautiful. Snow had fallen again during the night, covering everything with a fluffy white topping. This looked pure and fresh against the dark tree branches and hedges, contrasting with the blood-red holly berries and dark green holly leaves. The snow created a contrast so that colours were brighter, more obvious than they would be without the surrounding white.
Her thoughts drifted to Lucas as they had done frequently since she’d known he was back in the village and her heart ached. The kisses they had shared in the café kitchen had been passionate, exhilarating, and she had felt alive again in the way she used to. But she was not a teenager or a twenty-something now and she never would be again. In fact, she had two teenaged children who needed her to maintain a level head and to be their mother, their rock, and their emotional support as they navigated the difficult adolescent years. How could she do that if she was crazy about a man who wasn’t even their father?
Since she had kissed Lucas, she had gone over the pros and cons of falling for him again, and it had made her head throb and her body ache like she had the flu. She was struggling to sleep at night, then struggling to climb out of bed in the mornings because she was so exhausted. This wasn’t acceptable, and she knew she had to shake this off before she became ill and let her family down. Her parents weren’t getting any younger and they would soon need her more. Her children needed her, Barry needed her and even her ex-husband needed her. Thora was not a girl with time and energy to spare these days, and she did not have the luxury of time and energy to lavish on Lucas.
‘So what do you think?’ Finn asked.
They were sitting on the leather sofa with Barry between them. Finn had a notepad open on the table and he was talking Thora through some of his proposal ideas.
Thora blinked. She hadn’t heard what he’d said last because she’d drifted off and now she felt bad because she seemed rude.
‘Take me through the list again from the top. I want to compare the ideas to get a feel for all of them together.’
‘Sure.’ Finn grinned. ‘OK then … We have Snowy Stroll Surprise in the café gardens. There will be a gift box under one of Pearl’s planted Christmas trees and inside will be the ring and a note.’
‘I like that. Traditionally romantic.’ Thora nodded. ‘Go on.’
‘Then there’s Carol Singers on Christmas Eve. They come to the door, and we stand there and listen, hand in hand, before they sing custom lyrics that are about our love story to a well-known tune. When the song ends, I go down on one knee and propose. I was thinking one of them could have a Christmas cracker that they give to Titus and inside is the ring.’
‘Nice.’ Thora smiled.
‘Next is Twelve Days of Love. I gift Titus romantic notes for twelve days leading up to Christmas, and the final note has a ring inside it. Then I propose.’
‘Cute.’ Thora stroked Barry’s ears as he nuzzled into her, his head on her lap.
‘And then I have some fun ones because … well, you know I like a laugh. First up is Santa’s Lap Mishap.’
‘Oh god, that sounds dodgy!’ Thora shuddered.
Finn laughed and shook his head. ‘It’s not so bad, I promise. I dress as Santa and Titus sits on my lap. Not for long though, as he’s heavy. He gets a gift box and inside are smaller boxes until finally the smallest box has a ring.’
‘That one’s OK, but not my favourite.’ Thora wrinkled her nose.
‘Nor mine,’ Finn said. ‘So how about Snowman Smasher? I build a snowman with the ring at his heart, and we have to smash him up like a piñata and then Titus finds the ring in his chest?’
‘The ring could get lost in all the smashing though…’ Thora pulled a face, and Finn crossed the suggestion off his list. ‘True.’
‘Finally … Flash Mob Reindeer Dance. We have a flash mob of dancers dressed as reindeer in the village square and at the end, I join in and produce the ring. It could go viral.’
‘Oh god … think of the twins.’
‘They’d probably enjoy it.’
